How Could This Happen?
by lilgizzy1983
Summary: 6 months after her abduction by Count Vertigo, she has to deal with the consequences. Which to Diggle were highly unexpected. *Now a chapter fic* People have been enjoying it so I'll continue indefinitely. Lots of angst and bonding. Some medical stuff. Enjoy.
1. Chapter 1

"Alright, let's call it a night and get out of here." Oliver said, throwing on a hoodie and leaving his workout sweatpants on.

"I couldn't agree more, it's been a long night." Diggle said, clapping Oliver on the back as they both headed towards the steps of the new hideout.

It had been three weeks since the showdown with Slade and the new lair is just getting up and running. The workout equipment was easier to set up than the med lab, and the med lab was easier than Felicity's computer and security equipment. They were there almost every night after they got back from Lian Yu trying to get it up to par. Felicity, being jobless for the time being, was almost always there working on getting her equipment set up. They weren't used to seeing her in her "tech nerd" clothes, as she had labeled them there first day setting up. She wore either baggy boyfriend jeans or leggings, and usually an old tank or tee with some sort of nerdy print and a sports bra. Her hair was usual back in her normal pony tail, but to keep it out of her face better she usually wore an elastic head band or a backwards cap. The first day Oliver walked down at 8 am to find her sitting on the floor tinkering with some electronics or wires or something. He didn't even recognize her until she whipped her head around startled to see him in that early. Oliver didn't question her attire, just stared for a couple seconds until she gave him a scary look that said "OK enough, get to work."

Felicity had been edgy all day, snapping at them more than once for touching her things, or messing up the order that she had placed parts. She had even smacked Oliver's hand away from a wire at one point asking harshly if he wanted to die of electrocution. He thinks she even called him a name under her breath as she put her head back down to continue working. It was early, only 7 pm when he had decided they should call it a night. He could tell Diggle was wearing thin on his patience with Felicity. Oliver was definitely wearing thin, but was too tired to deal with her probably wrath if his snapped and said something. When Oliver suggested they call it a night Felicity immediately tensed, not moving from her spot. He thought everyone would be relieved, but she seemed almost frightened. Even behind her backwards cap and glasses he could see her grow just a shade or so paler. She just sat there on the ground with a motherboard in her hands and stared at them as they turned and started to walk towards the door.

"You coming?" Diggle asked as he noticed she didn't follow them. She just took a deep breath.

"Hey girl, you alright?" Diggle asked and took a couple steps back toward her direction.

"Yeah…yeah I'm good. Uh. Yeah, John can you hang back for a few minutes to help me clean up really quick?" Felicity stuttered out.

"I can stay." Oliver stated from the door.

"No." Felicity said adamantly, shocking Oliver a bit. She recovered. "You need to get off that knee, you've been on it all day and you're supposed to be taking it easy. Besides, John knows how to put this stuff away with killing himself or losing pieces…no offense" She looked slightly apologetic, but Oliver knew she was probably right anyway.

Oliver took the hint.

"Alright, well…I will…see you guys tomorrow then. Have fun. And get out of here it's been all day." Oliver stated before leaving, the heavy door loudly slamming behind him. Felicity flinched at the loud noise.

"I think you offended him." Diggle said will a soft chuckle. Felicity just nodded solemnly.

"I know, I'm sorry, it was the only way I could get him to leave." She said, shocking Digg a little with her extremely serious tone.

"Hey, hey it was a joke, I was just kidding." Digg said rushing over to her, sensing suddenly that what was going on with her today was deeper, and more serious than they had anticipated. As he reached her she took a deep shuttering breath and held the back of her hand up to her forehead covering her eyes. He put his arms around her, realizing how suddenly emotional she was and that she needed his support for some unknown crisis. When she didn't say anything, and started crying he wrapped her even tighter, now immediately worried for his best friend. She moved her hand from her face and wrapped her arms around his neck as she tucked her head into his large chest, unabashedly letting her tears go. She trusted Diggle. She trusted Oliver to, with her life, but she couldn't tell him everything. It was too complicated between them. With Digg, she could just be herself. Let him in on things that she was too nervous, or too ashamed to tell Oliver.

After just a couple of minutes, she seemed to rally and pull away. She turned immediately, not able to look John in the face after what had happened.

"Everything is going to change." She said quietly to herself, and to no one really. Felicity seemed totally zoned out.

"Felicity, nothing is changing, we're here, I'm here. You're scaring me, where is this coming from?" Digg tried to break into her little shell she'd created for herself just now.

"It's all different." She said, looking up at him with eyes full of pure fear and if he was looking closely, shame.

"Hey." He took a step toward her but she wrapped her arms around herself and took an equal step back.

Felicity was unable to gather her courage if he was standing that close. She had been gathering her strength all day, completely distracted from her boys and her work. She was trying to work up to what she knew she was going to have to do tonight.

Digg just stopped and stood. He knew something was about to happen and he feared by the way she looked that she was right. That everything would change.

Felicity felt the hot burn of his stare on her face, waiting for her. This was it, her move. She had to just do it, like ripping off a band aid. It was going to be quick, and painful. After that she could finally go back to collapsing into a puddle on the floor, which is where she had spent the entire previous night in her bathroom. She got home from her after hours doctor's appointment at the clinic and immediately threw up her dinner. Not having the strength or willpower to get up, she just slumped over on the floor and cried until she found herself waking up there at 5 am. She showered quickly, thinking about what she was going to have to tell Digg today, and his possible reactions. Fear, anger, disgust? The same things she felt about herself at that moment. She didn't know what was going to happen, and she had been immersed in the terror all day. The terror of this moment. This one heartbreaking moment where she laid herself out there for her friend to see and hoped he wouldn't turn away from her.

"Oh god this is hard." She spit out, followed by taking in another breath. She had realized she gotten lost in her thoughts again and was going to have to rally to make it through.

"What is hard?" Digg asked, coaxing the blonde to just be honest with him. "Nothing you can say is going to change the way I feel about you Felicity. You're my best friend. You're the smartest and strongest person I know. You're a bright, beautiful light in this stupid gray city and we need you back. You've been burnt out the last few weeks. What's going on?"

"I was…anticipating something." Felicity choked out.

"Ok, explain." Digg prodded.

"Damn it, this isn't how it was supposed to go." She chided herself, starting to pace quickly, mumbling to herself. He stepped forward and grabbed her arms gently, stopping her in place and turning her towards him. He looked her in the eyes and was instantly terrified of whatever her next words were going to be.

She took a fearful gulp and closed her eyes for a second. When she opened them, she had steeled herself. Prepared for his reaction she just spit it out.

"I need you to take an HIV test." She blurted out, immediately clamping her mouth shut again. Her breathing was quick now, heart pounding anxiety coursing through her as she took in Diggle's facial expression, and it's many sudden changes. The last one that she registered on him was terror, as he suddenly pulled her back into a tight embrace. He shoved her head into his chest and rested his head on hers.

Diggle had no idea what was going on, or why she would ask him to do that. He figured it could only mean a couple of things, and none of them good. As his terror for her simmered and morphed into confusion and slight fear, he pulled back and looked at her. It was clear that she was broken. That this was the real Felicity that he was seeing. The one who had been hiding behind a mask of strength and perkiness and determination. How long had this been going on? What were the details? How would this have happened? Was she ok?

"The car accident?" He asked, almost to himself, even though he was staring at her dead in the eyes. She nodded once. "You're worried about me because of you?" He needed to confirm his fears, hoping this was all some big mistake and he had not assumed correctly. She just slowly nodded one more time letting a tear roll down her cheek. He looked at her like it caused him physical pain to register the news he'd been dreading for the past 30 seconds.

"I just found out yesterday or I swear I would have told you sooner. I was unconscious after the accident so I don't know if you were exposed or anything. I mean I know Oliver carried me but he had on all that leather was wasn't really hurt. When I woke up and later found out that I had fallen on top of you during the crash I started freaking out. I mean, when I got shot I was awake, I was lucid and I could control everything that was going on and secretly make sure Sara or one of you guys didn't touch any blood or anything, but the accident I wasn't sure. Even though all of my tests so far had come up negative I knew there was a small chance that my final 6 month test would show something and I guess…I don't know…I guess my luck just ran out. I'm so sorry John, I didn't mean to put you at risk, it all just happened so fast..." Felicity was near in hysterics now, worried that Diggle would turn away from her, or be angry for not telling him there was a possibility.

Digg just stared at her like he was seeing her for the first time in months. He was still holding her head in his hands in front of him, crouched down to meet her at eye level as she rambled and cried. After everything that had happened, she was strong for Oliver, for the team. She had been harboring this terrifying, deadly secret alone. Carrying the weight of the possibility on her shoulders silently in the background, with no one to talk to about it. How did she do it for this long? Six months?

"Hey, first of all, I love you. And I'm sorry you're going through this, but you're not alone anymore ok? Second, of all, your HIV status is your business. Unless you knowingly have it and don't do anything to prevent others from being infected, then you had no obligation to tell me before now. I appreciate the head's up, but I'm almost certain I didn't come into contact with any of your blood that night." She let out a choked sob of relief at that statement. "Six months Felicity?" She just nodded her head and removed herself from his hands to turn away from that question, she knew what was coming next. But he had responded so well so far, and it was such a relief to tell him that she thought she'd be able to find the courage to get through the next part as well.

"Yeah, it was ummm…it was pretty intense. I'm almost relieved now that it's over, even though it was the worst possible outcome. I mean, the waiting, not knowing was the hardest part. OK I guess finding out that I'm HIV Positive was the worst part, immediately replaced by the terror that I might have infected you or even Lyla. I mean um…I guess I'm just glad it's over." She rambled nervously again, trying to avoid his next question.

"It's not over though Felicity, I mean, your life isn't over." He walked back over to her, turning her around to face him again. Her head was in a million different places right now and he needed her to understand that this wasn't the end for her and that he'd always be there for her.

"You don't have to change your life because of this, millions of people live long, healthy lives every day with this virus. It isn't a death sentence anymore. Do you understand? I'll help you. You're not alone." He reiterated. It seemed like she needed to hear it. She nodded and faced the ground, suddenly very interested in the stray piece of wire that was sitting on the cement. As he looked closer, he saw she was crying, but she wasn't as terrified looking as before. Maybe he was getting through.

His mind wandered to 6 months ago, even though it was none of his business, his mind automatically tried to figure out when she had been infected. How this could have happened to the smartest girl he knew. Digg was aware she wasn't always careful when it came to missions and impulse control in the field, but he had been there for most of the events that she was injured, or that….Then finally it hit him. Like a lightning strike, the revelation almost physically knocked him down. Felicity saw the shift in his expression, knowing he'd figured out when she was most likely exposed.

"Count Vertigo." He said simply. Answering the unspoken question.

She nodded her head silently. He was learning to immediately hate that nod of her head, it always meant that he was right about whatever terrible thing he was thinking. He assumed The Count must have used a dirty needle on her at some point during the kidnapping. But then…

"Wait, I thought you had Oliver had said that he hadn't had a chance to inject you with anything. Did I still have a fever, did I get my facts wrong?" Digg was momentarily confused at this line of thinking. Maybe he had forgotten something? He was pretty out of it that whole day.

"No, you didn't miss anything. We told you the truth." Felicity said, removing herself from his grasp once more uncomfortably. She'd hope he'd put it together himself. He had mercifully figured everything else out up to this point without her having to explain too much. But he just stood there, furrowed brow, and she couldn't take it anymore.

"He didn't use any needles on me, John." She stated flatly. Felicity would refuse to say the word, she hated the word more than anything. It made her feel dirty, useless, and like a victim. She HATED feeling like a victim. She REALLY HATED the idea of others seeing her as a victim once this came out. That's why she had been so guarded. Enough people had let her down in her life, she didn't need her Arrow family thinking less of her. Or worse, coddling her like she couldn't take care of herself. She's taken care of this situation just fine without their help so far.

Diggle took about one second to figure out what her statement meant. A horrifying truth that see hadn't told them about. A secret that has clearly been tearing her apart by the look on her face right now. She had no more secrets left. She looked exposed, but strangely stronger. He had seen all the emotions cross her face after she said the words and it was like reading an open book. A book that he had read a million times before, but all the sudden the ending changed. The characters were different. The entire plot of her life in the past 6 months was something entirely different than he had thought it was. Diggle thought back on all the expressions and moments over the course of that time and reevaluated all of her faces, her movements, her decisions.

"Stop overanalyzing me John, I'm still me." Felicity said, clearly on the defensive already.

"I'm just…I'm stunned, I'm trying to figure out what you've been through and I can't possibly imagine." He said, fairly ineloquently.

Felicity just looked to the side breaking his gaze again and put her fingers to the bridge of her nose. She was sick of crying today. It was a very stressful week and she just wanted to be through this and back to normal. Or what she guessed would be her new normal. Tiptoeing around John because he knew her secret, and hiding the rest from Oliver and Roy. Trying not to seem like the fractured soul that she had become. Diggle saw this all on her face. She was done for the day. She couldn't take any more. He didn't want to press her anymore than she had just pressed herself.

"Felicity?" Diggle said breaking the quiet.

She opened one of her squinted eyes and looked at him wearily over her glasses in response. Her fingers still pinching the bridge of her nose willing her stress headache away.

"Thank you for telling me, and for worrying about me. I love you for it." Diggle said, getting a little of his articulateness back, thankfully.

"Well, you're the only one I felt comfortable telling. Plus, you needed to know. Not only because of the accident, but because you do most of the medical stuff, and you know…because you're my best friend. I don't know how much longer I'd have been able to keep it from you without losing my mind." She could finally rest easy and just be honest. She huffed out a tired, exasperated sigh.

"I don't know about you…but I need a drink. Or five." Diggle joked. He felt like she needed him just to be him right now. Not to be the only guy that knew she was raped and was now HIV Positive. She definitely appreciated it though.

"Or 9? Yes, please." She smiled for the first time that day. She relaxed into his arm as he placed it around her shoulders.

"Fix your hat, you look like a little kid." Diggle said teasingly.

"Shut up! I like it like this, it says out of my face!" Felicity responded as they headed towards the door.

"Hey we should go to some fancy pants joint all decked out in our 'lair building' clothes." Digg joked.

"Do you think they'll appreciate the dirt on my pants? Maybe they'll be able to tell I've been sitting on a cement floor for 6 hours?" Felicity immediately hit back.

"Oh yeah, and the sweat on my back? I probably smell like roses. Lyla is going to love it later."

"Ew, tell me you're going to shower before you go to bed, because you really do smell gross."

"Ok Miss 'Let's Go To The Park And Skateboard After School And Then We Can Go Listen To Some Hip Indie Vinyls At My Mom's House'."

Felicity just burst out laughing, the most sincere, belly laugh he'd heard from her in months. It made Diggle smile. He'd cry at home. She didn't need that from him. She had her own despair and heartache to deal with right now. She was right, everything was going to change. But he thought, maybe it doesn't have to change or the worse. Maybe now they'll start appreciating each other more, and making sure they live everyday enjoying the company of the people they love.

A/N: OK, I' know that was a little (a lot) drawn out and had a kind of mushy ending. But this was a bug I had in my head since Pride this month and since I saw a free HIV testing truck while I was in the city yesterday. I know it's completely different for me (but not really, but kind of). Judge away, I thought it was an interesting concept. I'm not sure if I'll continue it. It was meant to be a one shot really. LMK.

JAG


	2. Chapter 2

A/N due to an overwhelmingly amazing response from a few readers, and some unfinished thoughts, I decided to continue this story. Who knows how long. But it's fun to write, and an interesting topic that could really go anywhere sooooo I'm going for it! Thanks for the support. I'm just as proud of this chapter as the first. I'm in the zone. Enjoy. This one has a couple dark moments but it's much lighter over all.

The plan for a fun night out started out well and good, until it was time to leave. Diggle had let Felicity drink it out for a while, hell he needed it too after the night they'd had. He had even expected it to turn sour at some point. No one could hold in all of those emotions for so long and not explode once someone knew, and they were able to freely discuss it. He just didn't expect the level of explosion that was happening.

So here he was, standing in Felicity's living room watching her as she sat on the floor. The room had been destroyed. Luckily, Felicity had been forced to move after her condo was destroyed in Slade's town wide offensive. This new house she was renting was more private, and had anyone been living within 50 yards of her they would have called the cops thinking she was being attacked. Instead, she was the one doing the attacking. Her lamps, her dishes, her furniture, anything she could physically pick up and throw, had been overturned. Diggle just watched on, making sure she didn't drunkenly hurt herself. He had only stopped her once, when she headed over to her TV, she clearly was about to demolish it with the leg of one of her chairs. 'You'll regret that one in the morning, those are expensive.' was all he said to her. He took the leg of the chair out of her hand and she huffed. When he pointed over to a cheap vase on the other side of the room she could throw instead, she was effectively deterred.

He had called Lyla earlier in the night telling her not to wait up, and that he was helping Felicity through something. He'd also told her there was a distinct possibility he would be drunk and sleeping on Felicity's couch, which has since be ripped apart by kitchen shears. He wanted to call Oliver but that was out of the question. Felicity trusted him, and it was her secret to tell. His burden to bear with her now, and he would gladly bear it if it helped her through. He imagined that he would react the same was if he'd gotten the news she'd gotten the previous day.

Felicity had soft tears running down her face now, face buried in her hands as she was in a ball on her floor. Thankfully, Diggle had not tried to touch her or approach her, she was too sensitive after her meltdown. She'd be ok, but needed a few minutes to gather herself back together. She wasn't embarrassed, she was too drunk for that. Felicity trusted Diggle to let her let lose and not judge her. He had proved himself earlier. He loved her, and he wasn't going anywhere. Unfortunately for her, stopping and gathering her thoughts meant her body started to register the alcohol and begin to protest.

Diggle had also expected this.

"John I'm gonna be sick. Can you help me up?" Felicity asked after a deep breath.

Digg immediately walked over and put his hand out for her to take. He wanted to make sure she felt in control of their contact. After everything she'd told him tonight, he never wanted her to feel helpless or afraid again. He also knew he couldn't be overbearing like Oliver would be, she wouldn't have any of that. Digg decided he just needed to be there, and be him, and if she asked for help give it to her.

Felicity took his hand and carefully pulled herself up, after all the alcohol and physical exertion, she was more than just a little wobbly. Upon standing, she took a moment to steady herself, holding on to Digg's arm for support. She closed her eyes for a second, and that was a big mistake. A wave of nausea hit her hard and she ran to the bathroom, dispelling about 5 or 6 whiskey sours. She had lost count at the bar.

Diggle was sitting on the edge of her tub. He had whispered soothing words to her and rubbed her back while she was being sick, but now she was just slumped on the floor against the wall. She was looking thoroughly miserable. Felicity had her cap crumpled in her hands, and was resting her elbows on her knees, face buried in her hands and her cap. Finally, she let out a soft chuckle, catching Diggle's attention.

"Attractive right? I'm sure this is totally how you had planned on your night going when you woke up this morning." She lifted her head up and smiled weakly at Digg. Her pale face still a little bit sweaty. She was smiling but looked so sad. He couldn't help think again like he could read her so much better now that he knew.

"I dream about doing this with you every night." Diggle joked, sensing she had sobered somewhat and wanted to get back to banter. She chuckled lightly again.

"I have to get a shower. I'm gross." She declared, getting up from her spot on the floor. She gave a quick thumb pointing out the door. "Out."

Diggle smiled and kissed her lightly on the top of her head. "I'm next, I hope you didn't kill any clothes that I could borrow for tomorrow."

"I accidentally stole a 2x polar fleece from some guy at a party my freshman year in college and never gave it back. You can borrow that, but I expect you to return my stolen fleece asap. It's my favorite." She pointed out sternly, wagging her finger.

He let out a small laugh at the image of her in a 2x fleece as she shut the door in his face. He stopped laughing as soon as he got back to the living room and saw the mess. He went into the pantry and grabbed her broom and trashbags, immediately starting to clean up. There were some pretty big pieces of broken furniture and glass and he didn't want her to have to deal with it or to hurt herself. He got all the broken glass fairly quickly, and threw the broken furniture outside in the back by her fire pit. May as well make use of the damaged goods. He had a feeling he'd be spending a lot of time out here in the spacious back yard for a while to come.

Diggle got sad again, thinking about everything she was going to have to deal with. He wondered if she'd tell Oliver, or Roy, or anyone else. She'd have to at some point right? Their night job is risky and he would think she would want them to know ahead of time, and not be blindsided if she was wounded in the field. God forbid. He'd have to keep an extra close eye on her. It was a stressful, and delicate situation, and he didn't want to push her. He also didn't want to see her in a position where she could get even more stressed out by being pressured to tell the others while on a mission. Ultimately though, it was her decision. He knew the stigma of this disease, and he didn't want to see her be open with someone, just to have them turn around a treat her differently. She was still Felicity, his big bright, tornado of pink and blue, whirl winding through their lives on a daily basis. Digg also knew what she hadn't said yet. How much she loved Oliver, and how this diagnosis is that much more devastating. She's probably thinking that she could never have a future with anyone, including Oliver. She is definitely worried that he will think differently of her, less of her in some way. If Digg was being honest with himself, he doesn't know how Oliver would react to the news. If he would freak out and start breaking things, scaring her. If he would be sensitive and caring. Or if he would just get all angry and guilty about it and brood for eternity, coddling her all along.

He was broken from his thoughts as Felicity stepped onto the back steps to call to him.

"Everything ok out here?"

"Yup, just taking out your new firewood." He called back turning towards the house.

"You didn't have to clean up, it was my mess. I could have done it." She said tiredly as he walked up to where she was standing on the porch.

"But thank you John, I appreciate it. I'm just…I'm such a mess." She ran her hand through her towel dried wavy Blonde hair and sighed. "Sorry you had to see that, it's not the first outburst, and I'm sure it won't be the last." She admitted. He wasn't surprised.

"Yeah, well, you're not the only one who's destroyed their house. Welcome to what being a guy feels like most of the time." Digg explained truthfully.

"Ew. Don't liken me to your kind." She joked flatly.

"I will. And I'm also disgusting, I'm getting a shower. You should watch some television on the TV that I kindly saved. You're welcome by the way." He called as he was walking into the bathroom.

"Thank you John!" She called after him, walking to her kitchen and trying to find a mug in tact for some coffee. She had thankfully had the clarity of mind earlier to save her two favorite mugs from ultimate destruction. Her Dr. Who Union Jack mug, and her limited edition Uhura/Captain Kirk mug, the latter of which set her back $80 on eBay. She loved the idea of hope those to brought to so many when they aired the first interracial kiss on television. Felicity thought back to simpler times when she was so full of that hope. Hope for the love those two represented, the years of their lives to be lived still. Shaking those thoughts out of her head for now, she opted for the Union Jack mug this time. Mainly because she wanted a secret photo op of Digg with the Star Trek mug later. Always thinking ahead, of course.

When John came back out in his previous jeans and her stolen fleece, she already had a sobering cup of coffee waiting for him. She was sitting on the floor leaning against her destroyed couch drinking her coffee. His was sitting in front of her on the not-broken coffee table. It was only 11 pm and it's not like they had work the next day, so John grabbed the coffee and sat next to her to watch the nightly news.

"Normal people problems." Felicity scoffed, as they watched a story about college kids getting into a drunken bar fight, one of them having accidently broken the front window of a bar. "I bet it was about a stupid girl, who was just playing with both of them anyway. College guys are dumb."

"Tell the audience how you really feel." Diggle joked, trying to cut her bitterness.

"Trust me, I have told them how I really feel. MIT remember? There are 72 schools in the immediate area. EVERY bar was a college bar." Felicity said from experience.

"I didn't think you MIT geeks were big barflies during school. I learn more about Felicity Smoak every day." Diggle chuckled as she nudged him with her elbow.

"If you MUST know, I didn't drink during the school year, only during summer break. After I left home, I stayed in Cambridge, well, just outside of Cambridge cause Cambridge was like…expensive. But a lot of the students stuck around or grew up there, so summers tended to get a little crazy. And that's ALL you're getting!" Felicity scolded.

"Is that where you met that lacrosse player/stalker?" Digg asked, ignoring her last statement.

"Oh my god, don't even get me started on Jerry. He came up to me at a bar once, all dressed up in his $70 polo shirt and Lucky Brand jeans. He used the LAMEST pick up line ever, and thought he was god's gift. My friend Julie and I laughed at his face and he got all huffy. From then on, I guess I was some challenge he needed to conquer. He kept doing all these lame things to try and woo me, like I was some fawning sorority sister making him jump through the totally standard hoops. It took me a year to finally convince him that I just wasn't interested, and kind of thought he was a huge douche. Plus, I didn't date Harvard guys." She rambled.

"Oh REALLY? Harvard guys not good enough for our princess?" Digg joked.

"Did I mention the polo shirt? Do I look like a polo shirt guy type of girl?" Felicity asked mockingly?

"I guess not, I don't know what a polo shirt guy type of girl looks like." Digg responded.

"Laurel Lance." Felicity answered in a hilarious dry tone that made Diggle almost spit out his sip of coffee. When he finally got it down, he choked and laughed along with her. After everything that had happened that night, they were actually having a pretty good time.

While they were at the bar, Felicity had started to get very drunk, and began her downward spiral. When she started rambling some of the details of that night with Vertigo to him, he knew it was time to go. He didn't want her drunkenly talking about it in a crowded bar, and regretting it later. In the taxi on the way home, he had heard a couple of the things Vertigo said to her while they were alone, and Digg was thankfully able to deter her rambling until they got back to her place. That's when it all came out. She had started crying as soon as they got out of the cab, and the second she walked through her door, Felicity began screaming and cursing Vertigo's name. Yelling some things that didn't really make a lot of sense to him, but he was assuming it was answers to Vertigo's sick words. At one point she was yelling at Diggle about Vertigo calling her a dog, and an obedient bitch. He was shocked at some of the words that flew out of her mouth in her rage. But she deserved her time. She deserved for someone to hear her anger out. He was glad she trusted him enough to do so, she clearly needed the catharsis. After everything that he's seen and heard, here was this remarkable woman, sitting next to him with her coffee. Lightly reminiscing about her college years and joking around. Unashamed, unbroken, stronger than ever. Diggle couldn't help thinking she was stronger than all of them combined. She was like a super soldier of mental fortitude. He smiled lightly at the thought as she continued to ramble about her bets with other computer science groups at the other schools, and challenges they would make for each other. About her first college roommate who, after watching too much Buffy, Felicity was convinced she was a demon from hell. He didn't know if she just wasn't tired, or if she was afraid to go to sleep after the intensity of the day, but eventually she looked physically exhausted and he had to put an end to the ramblings.

"Alright Supergirl. It's late, we need to get some sleep if we're going to be any good against these hangovers tomorrow."

"Ugh, it's going to be the worst. Can't we just play hookie?" Felicity begged with doe eyes.

"Felicity, you know it's not a real job right? We don't punch a clock anymore. Not until Queen Consolidated gets back up and running anyway. We can go in or not go in whenever we want." Diggle reminded mockingly.

"Oh, you're totally right." She sighed. "But then Oliver will ask questions and he'll be all suspicious and I'll have to lie and OH MY GOD now you'll have to lie! Oh my god I'm so sorry I put you in that position! PLEASE don't feel like you need to lie for me. Oh my god this is a nightmare!" She had gotten up and started pacing immediately, having not thought about Diggle's position before.

"Felicity, girl. Sit down and relax please. Of all the things you have to worry about in this situation, I am the LAST thing you need to concern yourself with. This is your life, not mine alright? Are we sitting, can we sit back down please?" He assured.

She slowly sat back down and he followed.

"So, have you given any thought to what you're going to do?" He asked, getting serious.

"About what, there are so many topics up in the air you need to be a little more specific." She said with a knowing but sad smile.

"About Oliver." Digg said simply.

Felicity knew what he was talking about. She had avoided this topic all night, with the exception of her crazy person outburst, where she's pretty sure she drunkenly said some things that she'll regret in the morning about her feelings for Oliver. It's not like it was a big secret. Everyone, especially Diggle who could read her like a book, knew how she felt about the man behind the green hood. It was one of the things that was making her new HIV status so difficult for her to accept. She'd never get the big dream. Never get that normal, everyday, happy ending all those people keep talking about. Everything was so complicated before, but now, it's gotten out of control. All the lies swirling around were making her dizzier than the alcohol.

"I don't know yet. It's not like I really had a chance to be with him before, but now it's like…" She just scoffed and rubbed her forehead, the headache already beginning.

"Well you don't have to make any decisions now. Figure it out when you figure it out. It's nobody else's business. I'm just worried about your stress level. I mean I know telling them will be stressful, but you might be relieved to not have to worry about it. I'm sure you'll be taking a lot of meds, that will be tricky to hide." Diggle reminded.

"Damn it. I start tomorrow, I didn't even think about that. It's not like I can casually pop into the bathroom before and after every meal for the rest of my life. I think that would raise a red flag." She said miserably.

"Well you know, I'll cover for you girl, but it's something you have to start thinking about. Do you want to have to hide it all the time? I mean, you could always just take the meds and when they question it tell them to 'buzz off it's none of their business'. I can just imagine Oliver's face. Please warn me if that's your plan so I can take a picture." Diggle said seriously

Felicity let out a single laugh at the thought.

"I don't know, as entertaining as that sounds, I think I have to tell them something. It can be like a 'Tell the truth but maybe not the whole gory detailed truth' situation for now? What do you think?"

"Your life, your choice. That's the motto of this amazingly smart, awesome best friend of mine. I can't tell you what to do, you know where I stand on it. I'm just worried about you. The added stress wouldn't be good for you. That's unfortunately a type of thing we have to worry about now." Diggle got very real, very fast, and left Felicity's head spinning for a second. She looked away towards the large bag on her table from the pharmacy. She had picked up the prescriptions yesterday after lunch, and was to start them ASAP in the morning, as per her doctor's orders. He explained the details of each one, and how it would be tricky at first to get her cocktail perfect. That there would be side effects until the dosages are tweaked just right. That there would still be side effects AFTER the dosages are perfect. She had all these rules to follow, including staying away from stressful situations. Diggle saw her wheels in her head turning hard, and followed her gaze to the large white paper bag.

"Hey, how about we do it?" Diggle said vaguely.

"Do what?" Felicity said as she snapped out of her thoughts, confused.

"How about we play hookie? I'll call Oliver in the morning and tell him that I woke up here and we're both hungover. You work every day there and you deserve a day off to be a drunken heathen." Diggle said.

"But, what about Oliver? He's gonna ask all these questions and I'm not ready for…" She started but was cut off.

"…Yeah yeah yeah, questions, suspicion blah blah blah, I get it. I'll handle it. Don't worry about it. You're going to need at least a day to figure out what havoc those little pills over there are going to wreak on your body anyway. And if you think you're going through that at the lair or by yourself, you're nuts." He said sternly.

"But Lyla…" Felicity started again.

"…Lyla is pregnant, she's not sick, and we don't even live together. She's working anyway. Lyla has made it quite clear that she doesn't need me…and I quote…'Up her ass all the time, checking to make sure she's ok'."

Felicity waited a beat, considering his words carefully. She knew she might get sick and need help, but she also didn't like the idea of being seen like that. Although, he had just seen her screaming obscenities, cutting up her own couch, then puking in the toilet.

Digg noticed her doubting herself.

"Nope, I'm not taking no for an answer. You have the biggest, nerdiest SciFi TV show DVD collection known to man, and I'm sick of you making references that I don't understand. By god, I will get through Series One of the new Dr. Who if it kills me, and then we shall move on to this David Tennant fellow you're always babbling about. If he's not the coolest person I've ever seen on a television screen, I'm going to be so bitter." Diggle said, all the whole taking her chin into his hand and not breaking eye contact.

His serious tone mixed with the ridiculous rant he just went on cracked Felicity completely. Still a little bit drunk, she melted into a fit of giggles, leaning against him for support so she didn't fall over. They laughed for a good few minutes until they finally settled. She had eventually just laid on the floor.

"It feels good to laugh again John." She said, head resting on his leg.

"Yes, I can imagine."

"Tomorrow is going to suck isn't it." She asked, at peace with it for the time being.

"Maybe, maybe not, we'll see" He reassured. "Either way, we'll do it together. Us, and of course the Doctor."

She smiled again and slapped his arm.

"I think I'm in a pretty good place though. I mean. Now." She said gesturing towards her couch.

"I think you'll be alright. Let's go get some sleep, I got the floor, since…you know." Diggle mimicked her jerky couch gesture.

"Well now I feel bad. But honestly, you wouldn't fit into my bed if you tried, it's only a full."

"Oh yeah. I'd have my whole leg hanging off, I'd probably be more comfortable on the floor anyway."

He helped her up, and walked her to her room. Sitting her on the bed, he walked away and came back with a glass of water. He made sure she drank the entire thing before filling it back up and putting the new one on the nightstand. She was already under her covers when he came back in, pillow over her head. She had thrown a pillow on the floor for him and two extra blankets.

He turned off the light and she sighed. "Thank god, it was so bright."

He chuckled and laid down, watching her until he was sure she was asleep and then closed his eyes. All he could do was think about the day. He knew he wasn't going to get much sleep worrying about her all night, but he wanted to make sure he got at least a few hours so he could be fresh the next day if she needed him.


	3. Chapter 3

When Diggle walked through Felicity's front door at 11 the next morning, she was sitting on one of her two remaining dining room chairs. She was miserably eating a banana and staring at the two piles of pills in front of her. They were her lunch and dinnertime pills that she had counted and separated out. She took her morning pills while Diggle was gone. At 7 am, he had gotten up and told her he would be back in a couple of hours. That he needed to grab a couple things. She just nodded sleepily and fell back asleep until 9, remarkably non-hungover. Upon waking, she decided to take her morning meds alone. She didn't have a problem doing it while Digg was there, but she felt like she needed to take that first step by herself. She wasn't always going to have somebody to hold her hand through it, so why not start off on her own two feet. Making sure to have some toast and an extra protein bar first, she downed the first dose, hands shaking. That was at 9:45. She'd been counting the rest of the pills out and staring at them ever since.

"Hey." Diggle said as he calmly came in without knocking. She jerked her head up as he spoke, breaking her from her daze.

"What's up?" Diggle asked, about 5 bags in his strong hands.

Felicity didn't answer immediately, just looked down at the bags confusedly. She furrowed her brow and pointed towards them.

Diggle plopped them, not very gracefully, on the dining room table and turned around to go back towards the door.

"You broke everything, dummy." He called out as he headed back towards the car to get more things. Felicity slowly stood up to investigate. Upon looking in the bags she saw new plates, same color as her last ones; new glassware; a vase; at least 4 new picture frames; and various other breakable things that she had gone after the night before. By the time she had successfully snooped through everything, Diggle was back at the door, carrying two chairs. They were identical to her current, unbroken dining room chairs. She put her hands up to her mouth at that and gasped, just letting it sink in what he had done.

"You alright?" Diggle asked cheekily, with a slight smile. He knew exactly what her reaction would be.

"You…" was all she could get out as she pointed to him putting the chairs down at the table.

"Well, you can't go around NOT having dishes and furniture and stuff. Kind of necessary, kid." Diggle said with a smile, turning back around to the door again.

"What…else…" He was gone again before she was able to finish her question. AS she walked over to the door to see what else he could possibly have gotten, her jaw dropped. There was a Home Depot truck in her driveway and two men were halfway up to her door carrying a new couch. How Diggle would have ever gotten this together so quickly she didn't have a clue. He walked in, gently moving her to the side out of the way to let the delivery guys in. They set the new couch down to the side and lifted the damaged couch, taking it back out to the truck. Diggle moved the couch to the correct place on his own as Felicity just watched, mouth still open, tears in her eyes but not falling.

When he was done moving the couch, he went out again, tipped the moving guys, went over to his car and got a few more bags. He came back in walking right by a frozen Felicity and to the kitchen, where he put the bags on the floor and started unloading actual food into her cabinets and fridge.

"John? How…?" Felicity started again, still in shock.

"You're going to have to start using your words, I can read your mind to an extent, but I'm not psychic Felicity." Diggle joked, as he just continued unloading the groceries.

Felicity just shook her head at the joke and smiled. She couldn't believe he could make her smile today. She didn't say anything else, but just walked over to the bags with the glassware and started putting things away in the cupboards. Diggle didn't miss her toss the second half of the banana in the trash.

Sober Felicity was surprised how many things Drunk Felicity had actually broken. She was going to owe him for all of this. You know, as soon as she got a real job. Felicity had gone back to her old tricks of writing software patches remotely to get by on her rent and expenses, but that was teenager money. $600 a week at most, considering she didn't have much free time hanging out at the lair all day. She was paying an arm and a leg for insurance now, and her prescriptions weren't the cheapest things ever. At a certain point, everything flared up inside her again and she rushed over to Diggle hugging him hard from behind.

"Thank you John. This was…this was amazing. I don't know how you did it…but thanks." Felicity muffled into his large back. He just grabbed her hands and held them until she let go. They finished up in the kitchen and he looked at his watch.

"It's almost noon, should I start to get lunch together? I haven't eaten yet and I'm starving." He poked at the issue, feeling it out.

"I just ate a couple hours ago, give me an hour or so. But help yourself, you bought everything." She smiled and jabbed his ribs. "I'm going to eventually be mad at you for all this you know." She scolded on her way into the living room.

"Yeah, you can be mad all you want on that brand new, big comfy couch of yours." He chided back playfully.

She giggled to herself at his comment and went over to the couch. Now for the big test. She turned around and flopped heavily down onto it on her back.

"Ahhhhh….Oh my god John, this is so much better than my old couch!" She said loudly. Felicity reveled in the laying position; she had started to get tired as the day wore on. 'Not enough sleep and too much drunky' she thought to herself. She opened her eyes to Diggle sitting on the couch, her feet on his lap, eating a sandwich and watching the news.

"Whoa." Felicity said a little startled.

"What?" Diggle turned to her concerned for a second.

"When did I fall asleep? I just lay down two seconds ago." She questioned.

"Hmmm…I don't know, about a half hour ago I guess? I figured you were still a little tired from last night." Digg answered nonchalantly, not showing concern.

"Oh…hmm. Weird. What time is it?" Felicity asked, sitting up and stretching wearily.

"News says 12:26. You hungry yet?" Digg asked casually again.

"Not really, but I guess I should eat something and take my poison." Felicity groaned back.

"Hey, that poison will save your life, treat it with respect. Huh? I like you alive and well thank you very much." Diggle said, his words were playful, but his tone more serious.

"You're right. Thank Google we have them right?" Felicity said and she started to get up to fix herself something.

"Nah, you stay here, I got it." Diggle said with a hand on her shoulder, getting up to quick for her to refuse.

"John, I can…"

"Stop, you're still tired from your little stunt yesterday, I got it. I am a big, strong, OLD man who can handle my alcohol better. What do you want?" He didn't take no for an answer.

Felicity huffed at the implication that she could handle her alcohol. Sure she didn't drink much, but she felt like she was a trooper for a while last night. That was a lot of whiskey.

"Fine, for that INSULT, you have to make me lunch." She folded her arms across her chest and stuck her nose up in the air, before bursting into giggles.

"Alright, alright, I'm standing here, your window is closing brat." Digg replied. Mimicking with his arms now folded across his chest as well.

"Umm…do I have PB&J? That's fine for now, I'm not that hungry and it's nice and light."

"Coming right up." Digg went into the kitchen and she immediately flipped the channel. She had to deal with bad stuff every other day, she didn't feel like dealing with bad news on her day off too. Felicity had only been channel surfing for about 2 minutes when her cell rang from the coffee table. She glanced down nervous. It was Oliver, as expected. Her heart did a flutter, also as expected.

"JOHN!?" She yelled quickly.

"What is it!?" Digg came out concerned.

"It's Oliver! What do I say?" Felicity said worriedly, heart racing.

"It's ok, I called earlier to give him the hangover story. He's probably just checking up to see if you're ok and too maybe laugh at you." Diggle chuckled, but she wasn't laughing. She was freaking out. She ran her hand through her hair as her phone stopped ringing and went to voicemail. She took the extra time to steady her nerves. She knew he'd call back. Sure enough, the buzzing started again immediately.

Felicity warily looked at it, and slowly picked it up, hitting the green button to pick up.

"Hey Oliver." She managed to squeak out.

"Hey ya lush, how you feeling?" Oliver laughed.

Of course he was laughing, he rarely got a chance to laugh at her drunken expense. That was specifically designed that way by her.

"Yeah yeah, laugh it up OLLIE. Don't think I don't have pictures of you in various states of inebriation." She scolded back.

Diggle chuckled at that one and went back to the kitchen, seeing her ease up a bit. He was definitely starting to worry about how she'd handle all this after seeing her reaction to Oliver just calling. He can't imagine what anxiety she'll have for actually seeing him.

He was just finishing up her sandwich, when he heard Felicity's signature groan of frustration that only Oliver can bring out of her.

He came in and saw her "Annoyed at Oliver" Face. She made it whenever he teased her or frustrated her.

Handing her the sandwich, he resumed his spot at the end of the couch and let her vent about Oliver. He could tell it was mostly sadness and emotional turmoil, but she masked it with jovial fake anger. She said how he was a hypocrite to call her out on drinking when he used to get hammered all the time. That he has no right to judge her for taking a day off and that she works hard enough without him questioning her every move. She ate most of her sandwich and took her pills, all the while still questioning Oliver's tactics.

Eventually, after 15 minutes of this, Diggle decided to stop her rant in it tracks.

"You know he just does it because he cares about you." Digg said, as a statement, not a question.

Felicity shut up right there and stared at him for a few seconds.

"Stop that, you know I don't like it when you talk like that." She said suddenly serious, and getting oddly pale.

"No, it's true, I won't stop because you know how you feel, and YOU know how you feel and he knows how he feels, but he won't tell you because he's afraid of losing you. News flash Felicity, you have a serious, life threatening illness, and he's going to keep you at arm's length because he thinks he has no time, and that you have all the time in the world. He wants you to go off and find somebody to grow old with because he doesn't want you getting hurt with him. Oliver assumes that his lifespan is cut short because of what he does, and he doesn't want you to follow in his path. But what about YOUR lifespan!? What he doesn't know is killing you! And what he hasn't told you…is ALSO KILLING YOU!" Diggle immediately saw the gravity of his words reflected in her face and snapped his mouth shut. Thinking for a moment, he was horrified over what he had just put out there. The color drained from Felicity's face and she couldn't speak, she just stared at him for a minute, jaw slightly agape in shock.

Digg didn't know what to do, he had just snapped after hearing her ramble on about Oliver. She always rambles on about Oliver, why did it suddenly get to him. He knew why, he just hadn't wanted to accept it until then. Their antics were wasting time, and she didn't have all the time in the world to waste anymore. Oliver, whatever his reasoning, was being stupid and unfair. Felicity's feelings were being stomped all over and ignored. Diggle was sick of his friend treating his other friend this way and he got angry. Unfortunately, he had taken his anger at Oliver out on her in the worst possible way at the worst possible time. By the time he'd processed all of this in a matter of 30 seconds, she was bent over, head on her knees and hands buried in her hair. He had hurt her, made her face the harsh reality that may be her life…and death. He heard a small whimper from her, he wasn't sure if it was a sigh or if she was quietly crying, he just wished he could look her in the face and apologize. Take everything back he had just said. But, it was already there. He reached out to touch her back, but just as he gently grazed her spine, Felicity suddenly sat up straight. He saw tears on her face, but it didn't look as though she had been really sobbing. Although, she was still pale and had started to get a light sheen of sweat on her forehead. She looked straight forward and closed her eyes, placing one palm over them, the other hand still tightly wrapped around her waist.

"Hey…hey are you ok?" Diggle was immediately concerned. "I'm sorry about what I said, it's not important right now, you need to talk to me. Felicity?"

He jumped off the couch and knelt in front of her, knocking the coffee table back as an afterthought. Her face was in a tight grimace, and as he lifted his hand to her cheek, it was cold and clammy.

She was breathing in deep breaths, slow and forced. He knew she was sick, but didn't know what she needed. Digg grabbed a water off the table behind them and softly grabbed the hand over her eyes. Felicity let him lower it down, but kept her eyes closed and dropped her head slightly. He closed her fist around the water.

"Take a drink if you can. It might help." He softly insisted.

She just shook her head once and put the water bottle up to her forehead. Her face was a full grimace at this point. Nothing lively, or happy about it.

Felicity hesitantly opened her eyes, though they were glazed over. She slowly opened the bottle with her shaking hands, Diggle let her do it herself in her own time. She put the water bottle up to her lips and took the smallest sip. The way her face contorted at that small action made it clear that she wasn't going to be doing that again. She shoved the water bottle at him and buried her face in her hands again.

"Oh my god John…" Felicity whispered, face still buried.

"Hey, hey, it's alright, I'm here. What do you need? Are you nauseous?" He asked gently, face full of worry for his friend.

She nodded in two quick jerks of her head, and whimpered in agreement. Diggle jumped up and ran to the kitchen, grabbing a basin he had bought that day. He figured, by chance, if Felicity did get sick, she shouldn't have to be in the bathroom all the time. He ran back out to her and she was shaking even more. He looked at his watch, it was 20 minutes since she had taken her pills, they should be mostly absorbed by now, he'd prefer if she tried to force them down for a little longer to make sure. He didn't want her to have to take more.

"Hey girl, if you need to throw up just tell me, I have a basin here, but it would be best if you can hold out just a little bit longer. To let the medicine absorb." She nodded again, breathing even more heavily. It seemed to be all she could focus on. Inhaling and exhaling. He found himself unconsciously doing it with her. Willing her to make it a little longer. Before he knew it, he looked at his watch and it had been 35 minutes.

"Here." Diggle said as he put the basin on her lap and folded her hands around it. He quickly went to grab her hair to hold it back as she immediately vomited into it. She hadn't eaten much, and after just about 10 minutes she was just dry heaving. After about 15 minutes more, she said she was ok, and he took the basin. Letting go of her hair, he swiftly went into the bathroom to clean it out. He wound up just dumping it into the toilet and throwing the empty basin in the tub so he could get back to her faster.

When he came back out, she was in the same curled up seating position, forehead resting on her knees and arms wrapped around herself. It seemed comforting to her at the time.

"Do you want to lie down?" Digg asked quietly, as to not disturb her.

"That sounds good." Felicity croaked out as she opened her eyes and grabbed his arm to brace, laying herself down on the spacious couch. He lifted her head gently and sat at the end of the couch, placing her head back down onto his lap.

"Why don't you take a nap, maybe you'll feel better a little later huh?"

"Mmmm…" was her only response, closing her eyes as he stroked her hair. He grabbed the wet towel off of the end table that he brought from the bathroom and laid it over her forehead. She lifted her hand up to hold over his as he held it there.

"That feels nice." She whispered, before quickly falling asleep.

They had turned the TV off earlier as she ate and ranted animatedly about the stupidity of the love of her life. He didn't even bother to turn it back on. For now, Diggle was just content to sit here quietly and listen to her slow breathing in and out. He had a lot to think about. He needed to be better for her, not lose his temper. She was in a tough situation, in her eyes, very hopeless. He didn't want to make it harder on her by pointing out that she possibly didn't have as much time as she previous had. How dumb could he be throwing that in her face like that. His anger that Oliver's stubbornness had seeped into his poor attempt at comfort. He vowed to be more patient, and let her make her own decisions. She was a big girl, and as confusing and upended as her life is right now, he has no right to judge her.

Oliver on the other hand, he could judge away. 'Stupid bastard.' Diggle thought. This should be Oliver comforting her right now. That's who she really needs.

ARROWARROWARROWARROWARROWARROWARROWARROWARROW

"Hey, Boss…yeah, turns out that this hangover, wasn't so much a hangover as a full blown flu. It's pretty terrible…Yeah…Yeah, I've been here all day… Not too much, but I'll try with her again later. I don't wanna push it, it seems really bad…No, not hospital bad...We're big kids Oliver we know when someone needs a hospital, besides, if I needed an IV I could just get one from the lair…Relax, I don' t need an IV, it was hypothetical…Listen brother, she's waking up, I'm gonna see how she feels and you're going to leave her be ok?...OK?...Thank you…no calling her until the day after tomorrow, I'll keep you updated if necessary…good bye Oliver."

Felicity awoke to a dim room, low sunlight, no lamps on, and murmuring from right above her. Her head was still resting on her best friend's lap. He was still there and on the phone. Why was he still there? It had to be late, he should go home.

She flinched and sat up, a little too quickly it seemed as she got lightheaded, and dropped back down.

"Whoa there tiger, slow your roll. How do you feel, besides the obvious? Any better?" Diggle asked quietly, putting the phone down.

"A little bit. Ugh. This sucks. What time is it?" She replied weakly.

"It's about 6." Dig answered, matter-of-factly.

"6!? You should go home! You've been here since yesterday!" Felicity scolded, trying to get up again, more slowly this time, but only managing to lift to her elbows wearily. 'Why am I so damn tired?' she asked herself.

"Because you just started your first dose of heavy drugs, wreaking havoc on your body and extreme fatigue can be one of the starting symptoms, as well as nausea and other delightful things. And yes, you said that out loud." Diggle, put his hand to her shoulder.

"Oops." She replied, sighing and laying back down, unable to do anything else at this point. "But seriously, thank you for everything, I'm thoroughly embarrassed now. But you can go, you've been here for a full day already, and I'm not wonderful company right now." She sighed again, still feeling slightly queasy.

"Well, considering you still need to eat dinner and take another crappy dose of your 'poison', I'm not going anywhere. I've already decided that I was quote 'Wrong about you hangover and you actually have the flu, and that you need to stay home again tomorrow'." Diggle used his sarcastic air quotes at her.

"NO! No way! Oliver is already suspicious and…" She started, as panicked as she could get as tired as she was.

Diggle cut her off. "And what? He'll come over here, and see that you're sick? That's all that it looks like right now baby girl. The flu. And a bad one. Either way, I already called him and you're off the hook for all day tomorrow too. So, I'm not going anywhere tonight. We'll see about tomorrow, I'll have to stop by and see Lyla at least once. I don't think she'll be too concerned about me. She'll probably be more worried about you, they all know you never get sick. Roy might stop by just to see how much of a baby you're being. Which for the record, you're not by the way. You toughed it out for 15 extra minutes yesterday when I asked for 5 or 10." He reminded.

"Ew, don't remind me, and don't remember weird stuff like that. It's gross." She scoffed back in disgust.

He chuckled. "Hey what can I say, I was impressed. But seriously girl, what's your plan?"

"Ugh, again with the questions, and the plans. I'm feeling a little pressure here brother." She said succinctly, giving him a no nonsense glare. He took the hint and backed off.

"OK, well then, what's on the agenda tonight? We didn't get to watch ANY Dr. Who today? What the hell?" Diggle pretended to be offended.

"Well, I was asleep, you could've watched whatever you wanted, dummy." She said, repeating his insult from earlier in the day.

"But it's no fun without my color commentary." He tried to make her smile, bolster her spirits a bit.

"I'm afraid my commentary probably won't be too colorful tonight, but put it on and I'll try and stay awake."

"Well you have to stay awake, because you have to eat something and take your night meds."

"No." She said defiantly.

"Yes."

"Ugh."

"Yup."

"I hate you."

"You love me."

"I do." She smiled.

"I know." He smiled back, happy to see her acting a bit more like herself. He wasn't sure how long she'd last, but for now his friend was back. They both settled in for a long, seemingly excruciating night.

And it was.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: I got an idea from a guest reviewer, so thank you! She said it and I was like…"Yup, I can work with that!". Enjoy some pain, and fluff, and a little backstory. Hashtag bonding. I don't own Arrow, yada yada.

Diggle had texted Lyla during dinner that night that Felicity was still sick, and that she had the flu. He told her he didn't feel comfortable leaving her by herself, and would probably stay at least another night. Lyla had responded that she hoped Felicity felt better and understood, but reminded Diggle of an ultrasound appointment the next morning at 11. He had definitely forgotten in all the terribleness that was happening.

He decided to wait to tell Felicity until after she got through dinner and her nighttime medication. Luckily, she said, this was the only day she had to take it three times in one day, the rest it will be mostly morning and dinner or bedtime, unless she needed meds to settle her stomach or something. Eating went ok because she waited a little longer to take the meds afterwards. It seemed to help her keep the food down for a while. This would be a new trick she would have to remember.

At around 9pm, they were sitting on the couch watching Dr. Who. She was still feeling ok an hour after her meds so he decided to bring up the appointment.

"So…I'm in love with Rose Tyler." He said after the episode was over.

"Aren't we all? I think most of us straight girls are even mostly in love with her." Felicity responded from the other end of the couch where she was laying.

He chuckled. "Here's the thing, I didn't wanna bring it up earlier but…Lyla has an appointment tomorrow. It's the first time I can hear the baby's heartbeat, and I kind of have to be there…I want to be there." Digg let out quickly.

"Digg, you don't have to spend every waking…and unwaking moment with me. You have a life, I don't want you to feel obligated to take care of me. I can handle it. I promise. You can't be my handler all the time." She smiled at him weakly. "Though I do appreciate the gesture, this isn't your fight. I have to do it on my own some time."

"I know, but this is the worst time, the first couple of weeks, and I feel weird leaving you for too long. I might be gone for hours, and Lyla might want to do something together afterwards to commemorate the occasion or something." He said easily, not realizing how that sounded right away.

Felicity bit her lip, then finally couldn't contain the giggle that bubbled out.

"I MEAN LIKE DINNER OR SOMETHING! Get your mind outta the gutter." Diggle laughed along as well.

"I'm sorry, I mean, it's just…it's usually me and…it's so much funnier when it's someone else." She said between giggle fits. "Is this how you guys feel every time? You should be thanking me for the entertainment, however embarrassing it may be." Felicity was still laughing even towards the end.

"I have been really good at stifling my laughter thank you very much. I know it embarrasses you, but sometimes it's just too much." Digg was laughing, but then finally they quieted and he got serious again.

"No really though. Who knows how you'll feel tomorrow when even more of this crap in your system, I really do think I'll be jumping out of my skin if I'm not here with you."

"I'll be alright, I'll go to my room and be a good girl. I'll set alarms and eat and stuff. And I have your handy basin for emergencies, way to think ahead by the way. I'd have been spending the day on the bathroom floor if you hadn't been a genius."

"I thought you were the genius?"

"Yeah well, only when it comes to other people. Apparently, I'm really great at being horrible at taking care of myself. I.E. Vertigo, Dodger, the casino, Tockman…etc."

"You're plenty good at taking care of yourself I'm sure. And did you just say I.E. in real life?" Diggle called her out.

Felicity facepalmed. "I have to stop doing that, I've been trying to break myself of it since college, when I found out it's totally nerdy."

Diggle just giggled to himself.

"But you'll be alright tomorrow? Seriously? If you need help I'm sending somebody over, you don't have a choice." He reasoned.

"I won't, but just don't make it Oliver please? He's annoying enough, and honestly, I don't want him seeing me like this. Make it somebody stupid that won't care, like Roy or something. I'd rather take him constantly making fun of me, than Oliver's constant worrying and hovering." Felicity begged. "Also, DON'T CALL ANYBODY I'LL BE FINE!"

"OK, I'll hold off unless you give me permission. Compromise?" He held his hand out.

"Fine, but I won't." She answered defiantly, and shook.

That was then.

Fast forward to the next morning at 8 am, Felicity had spent half the night, awake, nauseous and shaking on her bed, a quarter of the night in the bathroom, and another quarter of the night throwing up in the living room. She was too exhausted to move, and still needed to take her morning meds before Diggle left. He knew she wasn't going to be able to make herself food, or for that matter eat it, by herself. He had to do something. As it is he didn't want to leave at all, but she kept insisting he go. Digg was at an impasse.

"I'm calling Roy." He told Felicity from the other side of the bathroom door. "You can't stop me. Just in case you faint or something. And I have a Pedialyte Pop for you out here for you to have before I go."

"Ugh. No." Felicity said from the bathroom floor, not wanting to eat anything. She had terrible cramps from dehydration and medicine, and didn't want to move at all.

"Yes. You can't even move." He yelled slightly.

She dragged herself over to the door and opened it, not even bothering to stand.

"I concede. Gimme the thing." She said, just stretching her hand out for the frozen electrolytes.

"It will make the cramps better, and keep your energy up…or keep it…there at all."

She just nodded her head tiredly. He had already opened it for her because he knew she was weak and shaky. He also went in and put her morning pills on the sink, carefully.

These are for you. You have until 9:30. That's an hour and a half. I'm calling Roy and I'll go drag his ass out of bed if I have to. He'll be here in 45 minutes, alive or dead. You with me?" He asked, concerned.

Felicity just nodded again, sitting on the floor, back against the wall. She was lightly sucking on the pop, and made a disgusted face every time it touched her lips. Though she hated it, she was working on it, slow and steady.

"You look like a little kid." He said, not in a joking way, more sad. He crouched down beside her and placed his hand on her head. She leaned into it, closing her eyes and huffed out a pained breath. Everything hurt from throwing up, particularly her abs, so moving and breathing were all stupid ideas to her right then. Though eating the pop was bringing a little feeling back to her hands, which had been left tingly at some point in the night.

"Thanks?" She squeaked out.

"Alright, I'm out. Roy will be on his way, call me if you need me. Your phone is on the sink near your pills, there is a timer set that will alert you of your deadline that I have decided to impose."

"I won't forget Diggle. It's too important. I'll be alright. Go, enjoy the thing. I want pictures for my fridge." Felicity looked up at his eyes and actually smiled. It was a genuine smile, if forced. She really was happy for him.

"How do you do it, girl?"

"Magic? OK get out I'm sick of talking, it hurts."

"Alright, I'm telling him you have the flu, and not to bother you, but to check on you and make sure you eat and drink. Pills is all you."

She just grunted in response.

Diggle walked out the door and rushed over to Roy's, who hadn't answered his cell phone.

As he pounded on Roy's door to wake him up, his thoughts strayed to what he'd said last night about Felicity and Oliver. She hadn't mentioned it at all, but he knew he had hurt her. He was tired and in a daze when Roy busted the door open.

"WHAT!? Oh. Hey." Roy said sleepily.

"Hey, I need you do go to Felicity's."

"What? It's like…dawn. What does she need? Muscle?" Roy rubbed his eyes and yawned.

"She's sick, she's got the flu. I've been there since the other night but Lyla has an appointment. I was going to just leave her by herself for a while but she was in really bad shape this morning and I don't want her alone." Diggle spit out quickly.

"Why can't Oliver go? I don't want her germs and he's totally in love with her."

"That's why she doesn't want Oliver there. He's the last person she wants to see her like that."

"Oh so I just get the short straw."

"ROY! JUST GO!"

"Whoa, alright, alright, it's not like I have anything better to do today, or that I didn't just stay up til 4am patrolling and monitoring police radios or anything." He grumbled to himself as he put on real pants and a tee shirt and hoodie.

"I don't care, I just stayed up til 8 am holding my best friend's hair back, making sure she ate and drank and didn't pass out. You can do it for a few hours while I go see my child for the first time. Go there now! Help your friend. She's been nothing but good to you, and watched you for hours on end while you were in your viper venom coma, even after you almost threw a table at her." Diggle yelled.

Roy just paled slightly, not having known that particular bit of information. He felt like a jerk now. He just stood there dumbfounded with his keys in his hands.

"Don't give her any shit Roy, she's been tough the last couple days, but she's hurting. Leave her alone, and just help her if she needs it. There are electrolyte pops in the fridge, and toast and stuff. Make sure she eats something this morning and drinks water. I might be back before lunch, but if not make her a sandwich or something. She knows what she needs to do. Here's her new address. She moved." With that Digg huffed off to his car. He was exhausted from worry and lack of sleep, and didn't have time for Roy's sarcastic shenanigans.

He watched and made sure Roy got in the car before driving off to his appointment with Lyla.

ARROWARROWARROWARROWARROWARROWARROWARROWARROW

Around 8:50, Roy walked in Felicity's open front door quietly, not wanting to disturb her if she was asleep. He checked around for her on the couch and headed towards her bedroom. He knocked lightly on the door just in case she wasn't decent or something. When he didn't hear anything, he nervously opened the door, seeing that she wasn't in her bed. He glanced over at the bathroom door, which was still wide open like Diggle left it.

"Felicity?" He said quietly. No response. "Hey, it's Roy, you ok? I'm coming in, I don't want to scare you."

He tiptoed to the bathroom and saw her asleep on the floor, towel under her head as a makeshift pillow. The empty freeze pop wrapper was still on the floor next to her hand.

'Well, it looks like she at least finished it.' Roy noted. Squatting down in front of her, he put his hand gently on her shoulder.

"Hey Felicity?" He said quietly again, he wanted to make sure she wasn't passed out or something.

She stirred and 'Hmmm'ed.

"Hi, you alive?" Roy said again quietly.

Upon fully realizing the voice in front of her as Not-Diggle, she startled a little. Tiredly forgetting momentarily that she was waiting for Roy, and not fully awake yet.

"Whoa!" Felicity screamed slightly as she jumped up, and back against the wall in a seated, yet defensive position.

"Whoa! Hey, it's me, it's me! I'm sorry, I called out and you didn't hear me. I didn't mean to scare you."

She immediately calmed a little, seeing Roy in a surrender pose, hands up as he backed up.

"Jesus Roy. I'm sorry, I was still kind of asleep. I guess I freaked out. Ow." She stated as she moved, and everything started to hurt again. She slumped back to her laying position on the floor.

"Damn Blondie, you look like shit. For real. Digg wasn't kidding." Roy came back in and sat on the floor in front of her. She just glared up at him, annoyed.

"Sorry, that was mean. You look pretty, but it is apparent that you are feeling ill….is what I meant." He backtracked.

She just took her finger and put it to her lips. "Shhh." She said as she closed her eyes again, and attempted to resume her nap.

"Do you want me to take you to your bed? I'm supposed to make you eat something for breakfast and give you water…or something."

"I'm fine here. I like it here. It's comforting." She said quietly, placing her arm over her eyes, curling her legs up into a ball again.

"If you say so, I'm gonna get you some toast. What else? Yogurt, banana…?" He trailed off waiting.

"I'm not going to want anything you bring me, just make it easy to eat please?" Felicity mumbled from under her arm.

"Yup."

Roy came back a few minutes later with a piece of toast with a light spread of peanut butter, and a banana.

"Hey, here, sit up and eat real quick. I have water too. You need to stay hydrated."

She sat up against the wall again, and took the toast, confused as to why there was peanut butter. She had never seen that before. She held it up at him with a furrowed brow as a silent question.

"Peanut butter, easy to get down on toast. Protein, fat. Good for sick people. Banana has potassium, it'll help with muscle cramps and it's easy on the stomach. Not my first trip to the bathroom floor. I DID have friends before you guys. Eat." He ordered.

Felicity made an impressed face and choked down the toast, little by little. Roy handed her the water every couple of minutes so she could wash it down, and get some hydration into her system. She looked warily at the banana, not excited at what seemed like a daunting task.

"Just try to eat at least half of it, I can save the other half for later. When you're feeling a bit better."

"Oh it won't be better later, I might as well try to eat it all now, it's not going to be in there for long anyway." She said miserably. "You know you don't have to watch."

"I was told to make sure you ate. So I'm making sure. Diggle is bigger than me, and Oliver will cut my head of if anything happens to you."

She made a soft gagging noise. "Gross. No gross jokes." She choked out.

"Sorry, my bad. Eat." He pointed at the banana in her hand. Felicity angrily broke off a small piece and stuffed it in her mouth out of spite. As terrible as eating felt at the time, she was angrier that Roy had to be there. Angry for him, and for her. Angry at the whole situation.

"So how long have you been deathly ill? Digg said he's been here since the other night?"

"We got drunk the other night, but I didn't know I had the flu til yesterday morning. It's been pretty terrible since then. He's been a saint. Thanks for coming, even though I told him not to call you. I'll forget to tell you later before you leave." She said slowly, between bites of banana, moans and grimaces.

"I was mad at first because I didn't know how sick you were, but now I'm surprised he left you by yourself as long as he did. I don't mind, you took care of me when I was down, I'm returning the favor." Roy shrugged in a moment of rare sweetness. Felicity tried to smile at that, but was having a hard time. She made it to halfway through her banana as Roy had originally suggested and handed it back to him. She couldn't even think about taking another bite of it.

"Yeah, that's what I thought." He scoffed as he took it and stood to go into the kitchen to wrap it up. He paused for just a moment as he stood, and she thought he was going to say something else. Maybe about while he was under the influence of the Mirakuru, but after a few seconds he kept walking. He didn't come back for about ten minutes. She kept trying to drink the water he'd left her, but it was making her more nauseous, and she wanted to have kept food down for long enough. When she took her meds they were easier to take that way.

When Roy came back in, he was more stone-faced, quiet. Felicity was holding the water bottle out in front of her, elbows resting on her knees. She stared straight ahead at it, and focused on breathing in and out, slowly and deeply.

He sat down next to her again and she looked up at him, confused as to why he had come back in just to watch her sit and breathe.

Roy just stared at the door for a few more minutes. He seemed to be waiting for something. She didn't care if he was acting weird, she was just trying not to feel sicker. The electrolyte pop and banana had helped with her cramps, as well as the water. She still felt really queasy and generally sick to her stomach. She had taken some stomach relieving pills a few hours ago, but it only helped somewhat, most of her problem seemed dehydration and exhaustion based.

"It helps if you count." Roy said quietly, still looking nowhere.

"What?" She asked, not connecting the dots.

"Your breathing, it helps if you count the seconds, 5 seconds in through the nose, 8 seconds out through the mouth. Music helps sometimes too, you can count the beats and it preoccupies your mind from the nausea." He said flatly, but compassionately.

"Done this before have you?" She asked, not in a rude way, just in a contemplative way. Closing her eyes again to concentrate, she didn't expect him to answer. He was being weird.

"I have actually. How long have you known?" He asked, all in one breath, like he was petrified to speak the words.

"Oh you hav…What?" Her eyes popped open and she whipped her head to face him. That was all the answer he needed. He already knew, but to have it confirmed was heartbreaking. He took a deep shuddering breath and put his face in his hands. Felicity was shocked at what he'd said, and couldn't make words come out of her open mouth. She imagined that she'd looked like a fish on a wall.

Finally, she shook back to reality. "What do you mean? Known about what?" Her voice was shaky and unconvincing. He had caught her completely off guard, and she knew she was caught.

Roy looked up at her with red, hurt eyes. His tears were there but hadn't fallen.

"Oh, what happened." She asked, not even trying to fake it anymore. His face had shown all the devastation she needed in that moment and she didn't want to add to it by lying more.

"How long?" He asked again, voice wavering.

"Two days, 16 hours…I think?" Felicity said almost at a whisper. Tears of her own started falling against her will. He knew. How did he know? What had happened?

"How did you…?" She couldn't finish. She didn't want to push him. They were both clearly very upset. A few seconds ticked by before he could answer, and her phone's alarm went off. Her face shot up at in in sheer terror. She had forgotten it was that close to her pill time.

Roy just reached up with his one hand and tapped it off, grabbing the pills off the sink. He held them in his hand for her to see clearly. He pointed at the large orange pill with a few numbers on it. And the smaller, white pill with blue letters.

"I'd recognize these anywhere, for the rest of my life. My best friend…" He had to stop for a moment to get his bearings. He looked up at the ceiling as two tears fell, and he blinked them away. He looked back at Felicity and handed them to her for her to take, curling her fingers around them for her.

Roy wiped the tears away quickly. She just started at him in awe, like she had never seen him before.

He continued. "My best friend, Patrick." He sighed, and looked down at the floor, then back up at her caring eyes. "He…he had it. His family kicked him out and he stayed with me for a year when we were younger. Only about 16. My parents were gone and I had this little shitty, studio apartment in the Glades. We had been friends our whole lives. His dad was a boozer, his mom was a prostitute. He had two little sisters that he tried to protect. Umm…"

"Roy, you don't have to…" Felicity started, not wanting him to have to relive a painful part of his past.

"No, I do. I don't talk about him enough, and I want to tell you about him." He said adamantly, looking her straight in the eyes.

"Ok, I'm listening." She said softly, putting her hand on his shoulder, completely forgetting how sick she felt in that moment.

"Take your pills first."

"Right." She threw them into her mouth and took one swig of water, catching herself as she almost threw them right back up. She gagged a couple of times, before finally getting them down. When she opened her eyes back up, Roy was in front of her holding her shins, staring at her again.

"You ok? Good?" He asked, full of concern.

She just grimaced and nodded, a couple of tears falling from the strain of keeping the pills down. The back of her hand was at her mouth, and she started taking a couple of deep breaths again.

"5 in through the nose…8 out through the mouth." Roy repeated, breathing along with her a few times.

After she got herself together, he asked if she was OK one more time, before sitting back down next to her.

"45 minutes." He said checking his watch. Felicity knew what he was counting, and noticed his 'Keep them down' time was longer than Diggle's. She didn't like that at all, but figured he knew better than Digg on this topic.

"Patrick." She choked out, trying to distract herself after 5 more minutes of silence.

"Patrick. He…when he was 15. One day, they didn't have breakfast at home for his little sisters. He didn't care if he ate, but he always tried to make sure they did. But, skipping breakfast happened a lot, so they went to school. When he went to lunch, he was told he didn't have any money on his lunch card. Which means his sisters didn't either. He got home and the girls were crying on the front porch. They were hungry and hadn't eaten all day. He was furious. When he got inside, there still wasn't any food for dinner. His mom wasn't anywhere to be seen, and his dad was passed out on the couch watching the fuzz on the TV cause the cable had got out again."

Felicity was quietly crying for his friend, and a little bit for her. Thinking how her childhood sucked almost just as much, though Roy didn't know that. How could he, she never spoke of it.

"That night, Patrick snuck out…or basically…just left for a couple hours. He went on the street looking for work. He had been trying to find a legitimate job, but nowhere would hire a 15 year old kid. Some guy noticed him on the street and pulled him into an alley. He asked Patrick if he wanted to make some cash. Patrick said he knew where it was going, and was disgusted, but he said yes because he thought of his sisters crying at home. He did it. He did it every chance he could to make sure his sisters ate healthy. By the time we were 16 he was positive and his dad kicked him out…..god I haven't talked about this in a long time." He took another sighed breath, and just looked at her devastated crying face. "Oh, I don't mean to upset you, I'm sorry, I'll stop."

"No, what happened, I wanna know." She sniffled.

"OK, well….he…moved in with me, and started on the meds the doctor gave him, but he could only afford a couple of months of prescriptions. They were so expensive. Without insurance he blew through his savings in a heartbeat. He tried to work more but…well…you know how it feels. By the time he started to get used to the meds and feel better, he was out of them, and out of cash. I helped as much as I could, but I was trying to keep a roof over our heads as well. He missed a few doses while he was trying to catch up, and wound up getting sick. I bought a few doses for him black market, but by then he had pneumonia, and they didn't help. He died in my arms two months shy of his 17th birthday." He was actually crying now for his friend, for her. Roy didn't want to think that Felicity was going to have to go through all of this, too. But, he'd be there to help her every step. Like she had been there for him, and like he tried to be there for Patrick.

"Roy…" She grabbed his hand and squeezed it hard. He squeezed back, and she reached over to pull him over to her. They sat on her floor and cried for a while, until she couldn't do it anymore and pulled herself over to the toilet. He held her hair, and whispered to her as she threw up for 2 hours straight.


	5. Chapter 5

By early afternoon that day, Felicity was out. She was sleeping hard, and Roy moved her out to the couch. She didn't even stir. He knew she was ok because if he put an electrolyte freeze pop at her lips, she would suck on it a little bit, but not wake up. He almost wanted to chuckle, because it reminded him of a little baby chewing on a pacifier in it's sleep, but it made him more sad than anything.

Roy sat on the floor by her head where she slept holding the freeze pop for her and watching TV. At around 2:00 her phone rang. He rolled his eyes without even looking at it. He grabbed it off the coffee table and answered it.

"Hello Oliver." Roy put on his best annoyed voice.

"_Roy? Did I call the wrong number? What are you doing with Felicity's phone, is she ok?"_ Oliver asked rushed, suddenly even more worried than before.

"She's here, she's passed out on the couch."

"_What do you mean PASSED OUT? Like passed out passed out?"_ Oliver yelled, clearly rushing around to leave wherever he was to come there.

"Not really, well, maybe a little, but more sleeping. Just like…REAALLLLLYYY sleeping. Don't come over."

"_I'm starting to think that she wants anybody there but me. What the hell is going on? Why am I suddenly banned from Felicity's life? I thought we were partners? She knows I care about her and want to help right?"_ Oliver was sounding very confused, and it was now apparent to Roy that he'd probably been sitting at home freaking out, waiting for a text or an update or something.

"Relax Boss, you know she loves you. She doesn't want you here because she doesn't want you to see her all sick and pukey and drooling on her bathroom floor. So, instead of you, _I_ have to see it. I don't mind, I'm just saying. Deep down she wishes it was you." Roy had started rambling, which was very unlike him, but he was nervous lying to Oliver. Roy would never tell Felicity's secret, he was adamant that that was not his place, but it was an uncomfortable and scary position. He'd gladly be in this position, though, if it made her more comfortable.

"_So if she wishes it was me, why doesn't she just ask me to come help? She knows I would."_ Oliver really was dense. Roy couldn't help but wonder how he'd gotten through life so far.

"Boss, you're really that dumb?" Roy blurted out. He was sick of all this madness.

"_What do you mean? And screw you."_ Oliver replied confused, but defensive.

"Dude, she's totally in love with you. You know it, I know it, EVERYBODY IN STARLING CITY knows it. You lead her to believe you're never going to love her the same way, and she accepts it, but still has hope. Deep down inside she knows that you have feelings for her too, but she won't let that hope get to her, because she thinks you'll never act on it. So now she's sick, and feels at her most vulnerable and unattractive. So who do you think the LAST person would be that she wants to see her like that?"

Roy was met by silence on the other end of the line.

"Seriously, Boss, you're pretty effing stupid. And you're NOT coming over here until you're ready to get you head out of your ass, and just tell her how you feel. But if you're not going to, or if you're not going to accept her as she is, beautiful, smart, goodhearted, and slightly flawed, then just don't come here. I won't let her hurt anymore than she's already hurting. For god's sake, she'd rather have ME, of all people, holding a freeze pop to her mouth while she sleeps, than have the one person that can really comfort her here. All because you're a frigging idiot." Roy was all fired up now, and had to watch his volume. He doubted she'd wake up, but just in case, he knew he was stepping out of line.

Oliver paused to think through everything Roy had just said. He knew he was right, obviously he had loved Felicity for quite some time. He didn't think he was good enough for her, but he never stopped to think that maybe he was making her feel the same way. Maybe he WAS an idiot.

"Roy, I…just wanted…"

"You wanted to keep her safe, yeah yeah, I get it. Thea's gone remember, because I didn't tell her the truth, because I wanted to keep her safe. How long do you think Felicity has to simply wait around in limbo? She'll eventually leave too, Oliver. She has other problems than to have to deal with your dumb ass." He was on a roll, and should probably stop when he was ahead, or else he'd be risking bodily harm. But honestly, at this point, he'd risk it for Felicity, because his pain would just be temporary, and she deserves a permanent resolution. She deserves it while she has the time to deserve it. She was better than all of them, and got the short end of the stick on all sides.

"_I'll be over in ten minutes."_

"What? Oh? OK, but I'm not leaving. I told her I would stay, and she's going to kill me when she finds out I talked to you. And I mean she might ACTUALLY kill me." Roy emphasized.

Oliver just hung up without saying anything else, having already gotten on his bike. Roy ran his hand through his still bedhead hair. 'Diggle and Felicity are gonna kill me.' he thought, not realizing that Digg had said something very similar to Felicity the previous night.

He looked at the time on his phone, it was way later than he thought. He figured he should call Diggle and get his punishment out of the way. In rang twice, and he held the phone nervously.

Diggle answered sounding frenzied. _"Roy, what's wrong is she ok?! What happened?!"_

"Whoa whoa, relax, she's alright, she's asleep. But we both know she's not ok."

"What do you mean of course she's not, she's got…"

"The flu? Yeah, tell that to somebody that believes it. I know everything Digg, we talked about it. I'm calling you for a different reason."

"What do you MEAN?! How…? She…?"

"Don't ask, we're all good on that end. You don't have to worry about me. We DO have to worry about Oliver."

"Oliver? Why? He doesn't…?"

"No, he doesn't know. But, he called Felicity's phone just now…like I'm pretty sure he wasn't supposed to. I kind of…went off on him a little bit." Roy trailed off.

"What…do …you…mean…?" Diggle over enunciated every syllable, making Roy's mouth go dry all of the sudden. "Well…I mean he was acting all concerned boyfriend, and he was going to come over. But, I kind of yelled at him and called him out over how he's been treating her. He didn't yell or anything, it was weird. But then, I said he was NOT to come here unless he was ready to stop being a coward and unless he was going to treat Felicity the way she deserves to be treated. Then I said some more stuff about how stupid he was, then he said he was coming over and hung up. I really screwed up, she's gonna be so pissed."

Diggle had just listened quietly, steaming at first, but then softening when he realized Roy had just told Oliver everything HE had wanted to tell Oliver. Except this way, Roy could face Felicity's wrath instead of him. If Oliver really listened to him, then maybe it was for the best.

"You didn't screw up Roy, you were defending your friend. You did good. She won't see it that way, but we all know how much Oliver has been hurting her this passed year or so."

"So you're not pissed? You're not going to kill me?"

Diggle chuckled. _"No, I'm not going to kill you. Felicity might. You're not going to leave them alone are you? I'm assuming she's asleep if you're saying all of this freely."_

"No, I already told Oliver that I promised Felicity I was staying, so I'm not going anywhere."

"Good, cover til I get there. How's she been?"

"Ugh. Terrible. She threw up for 2 hours after breakfast, but she's been out for the count for a couple of hours now, thank god. She needed the sleep. She's sucking on the freeze pop in her sleep, it's actually really cute. I'm not too worried about her at the moment. Just, you know, generally worried."

"I understand. Alright, I have to get back to Lyla, we are at a late lunch and I've been missing for a while. She might punch me, and she's stronger than Felicity so…"

"Alright, take your time, I've got it here. I'm not going anywhere anytime soon."

"Thanks kid, you pulled it through, I really appreciate it. I'm glad she has you there."

"Aww shucks. Shut up and get to your ex-wife girlfriend baby mama."

He heard a "_Pssh_" before Diggle hung up and laughed. He heard Felicity let out one soft laugh from next to him and he startled, wondering how much she had heard.

"Oh! Hey! I didn't know you were awake."

Felicity's eyes were still closed, but she had a slight smile.

"Ex-wife girlfriend baby mama. That's funny." She whispered.

"Liked that one did ya? How long have you been awake?"

"You were talking, but that's the first thing I really understood. How did Lyla's thing go?" Felicity was talking but still clearly sleepy as she still had yet to open her eyes.

"Oh, ok I guess? I forgot to ask."

"Boys." She said in a mocking, disappointed tone. "You never get the important stuff."

"Oh I'm pretty sure that what we were talking about was pretty important." He said seriously.

"What like cars…or guns or something?" She finally started to open her eyes, slowly, blinking against the bright afternoon light.

"Yeah something like that." He chuckled, knowing she knew what they were talking about.

"Ugh, so how long did I sleep for this time? 2 minutes? That's what it feels like." She said stretching.

"Only a couple hours. You need more than that, but…" Roy didn't know how to explain the rest. She was going to be hurt and pissed.

"What?...what happened?" She was immediately concerned when she saw his face.

"So…don't kill me…" He started.

"Oliver's coming over?" She guessed immediately, reading him like a book.

"I'm so sorry, he called you, I didn't call him I swear. I thought I could get him to stay home, but then he pissed me off so I kind of told him off a little, but then he got real quiet, and now he's on his way and he'll be here in like 3 minutes." Roy said almost in one breath, wincing like she was going to get violent with him. That's what her face looked like. She was pissed, and definitely scared. She was pale before, but now she looked like she was going to faint.

"Hey, hey lay back down, it's alright. I'm not leaving, I'll be with you the whole time. You can just let me do the talking or pretend to be asleep or something. He thinks you're asleep anyway." He tried to make her feel better, and felt bad for putting her in this position.

"Do you want me to tell him to go when he gets here?" Roy kept talking but Felicity didn't answer. She just laid there with her palm over her eyes trying to figure out if she could handle seeing him right now.

"No, it's fine. Whatever. If he was calling me today, it means he was probably going to be coming over either way. He was specifically ordered to leave me alone today. He was just looking for an excuse to come over, and you answering my phone gives him enough of a reason. No matter what you said…though I shutter to think." She said, a little bit more alert sounding and awake.

"I just wish I could sleep more. I didn't really sleep all night and two hours in a day is NOT enough." Felicity griped.

"You know, it's a novel idea, but you CAN sleep with him here. We'll both be here for whatever you need. I'll get your dinner together, and take care of your pills on the sly. Same at night as in the morning?"

"There's one more at dinner, I take it later because it can make you dizzy and other crappy stuff. Umm…I think it starts with an S? Sus…something, I don' t know I have to read them I can't remember right now."

"Yeah, I know which one it is. Patrick had a hard time with that one. I'll make sure you get one of those too. But, I'm not giving it to you until a little later, like bedtime. Trust me, it gets weird. You're still holding your eyes do you have a headache?"

She just nodded, trying to get through all of this medical stuff before Oliver showed up.

"Ok, I'll get you a cool towel and an aspirin. It's easiest on the liver. Ibuprofen can hurt you more than help with all the meds you're on. I'll be right back."

With that, he all but ran into the other room to get everything together. He got the correct medications together and shoved them in a little pill box in his pocket. Grabbing the aspirin and a wetting a rag with cool water, he ran back in to the living room. Felicity had moved into a sitting position.

"I have to get a shower. I haven't showered in almost two days. That's disgusting. Oliver…" She weakly rambled.

"Who cares about Oliver, you can't stand, let alone shower. Unless you're willing to let one of us carry you in there naked and carry you back out, you're waiting til you have more energy."

"Ew. Roy." Felicity smacked his arm. "Not on your life!"

"Yeah, that's what I thought. Do you have something you can sit on in there, it'll help a lot for a couple of weeks until your body gets used to all this shit you're putting into it."

"I don't know? I don't think so. John bought me some stuff yesterday, but I don't think he thought of that. I had no brain at the time so I know I didn't think of it." Felicity admitted.

"Yeah, about that. I'm giving you a pass about drinking the other night, you deserved it. But no more. Water, cranberry juice, and coconut water for the rest of EVER. And I shall grant you one coffee in the morning when you wake up, and one around lunch. Stay away from it after lunch, or I promise, you won't sleep. And hallucinations might SOUND cool, but they aren't fun when you're alone at night."

"Wow, ok boss. Way to take control. I kind of like it. I don't have to think. I might have to bargain with you about the coffee thing though."

"No bargaining. No. Coffee. After. Lunch. Period. Here take your aspirin, and here's your cold thing. Lie down." He said, just before they both heard the familiar rumble of Oliver's motorcycle down the street. Roy looked at his phone.

"12 minutes. He's slacking. He must have hit a road block or something. Hmm." Roy joked, trying to lighten her mood.

She just scoffed, knowing it was probably the truth.

They just waited anxiously while he pulled in the drive and shut his bike off. They heard the thud of his boots as he ran up to the door.

"Here goes nothing." Felicity said under her breath.


	6. Chapter 6

Oliver knocked on the door in a frenzy. His adrenaline was pumping from Roy's speech and from trying to get to Felicity's house quickly.

There had been things that he was thinking about since their brief talk on the island, but he really heard Roy's words earlier. To be honest, had been judging himself over his actions toward Felicity since the incident with Slade. He would stay awake, going over and over in his mind the words he uttered that day to her. Both at the mansion, and on Lian Yu. He kept telling himself 'It's for her own good' and 'She deserves better'. Deep down, he knew he was wrong. He knew how he felt, and how she felt. It was awkward, and discomforting, but they both were adults, and they both knew the risks. He just wasn't prepared at the time to give himself into happiness.

Roy's words, however irritating, kicked something in Oliver's brain into high gear. The flu…of all things. It was the flu that could make Oliver want to jump out of his skin. That made him want to be in constant contact with Felicity, to make sure she was ok. It was a stupid flu that made him realize that his place was by her side. It wasn't Diggle's place, or Roy's. It was his place. Him and Felicity. Beating something as mundane as the goddamned flu. Together. This all rushed through his head in the 12 minutes it took him to get to Felicity's new place. Of course he had stopped at the convenience store for Ginger Ale first. He wanted to make sure she got her sugar and hydration.

So as he stood there, on her front step…waiting for an answer…he thought about his recent actions. He thought about what he could do to convince her that he was serious about what he had said to her at the mansion. That he had been so scared and anxious about what could happen…to really accept would they could HAVE. His brain was spinning. How could something as innocuous as the flu…of all things…get him to start to admit to himself that maybe he'd been wrong about pushing Felicity away.

When he heard she didn't even want him around, his heart sank. The fact that she didn't trust him to be around her when she felt vulnerable sent an unexpected pang through his chest that he couldn't deny. He suddenly found himself at a loss as soon as he knocked. He almost regretted rushing over. He should have given this some thought first. She deserves a well thought out explanation. Not the jumbled mess that were his current feelings. 'Shit', he thought, as Roy opened the door to let him in.

Oliver just stood for a few seconds, noticeably rattled.

"Oliver? You coming in?" Roy asked, kind of hoping Oliver would leave, he was so nervous. But he knew that for Felicity's sake it was good Oliver was here. He opted to just roll his eyes and walk away from the open door, letting Oliver fend for himself. By the time Roy flopped down onto the couch, having lifted Felicity's feet and rested them on his lap, Oliver was slowly stepping inside.

"Hey." is all he choked out.

Roy was almost amused by Oliver's sudden inability to function. Maybe his rant had had some effect after all.

Felicity lifted the towel off of her eyes slightly, squinting at Oliver for a second.

"Hey." She said simply before putting the towel back.

"Well…now that that is out of the way…" Roy teased.

"Shut up, I'm mad at you remember." Felicity said tiredly.

"Oh I remember." Roy joked, just trying to act normal in front of Oliver. Felicity gave him a playful kick to the leg.

"What did Roy do this time?" Oliver finally joined in, picking up on the light banter, also trying to act normal. Act like he wasn't about to tell the woman he's loved for over a year, that he thinks he's ready to jump into something with her…if she allows him to after all this time.

"Shut up, I'm mad at you too." She said from the couch. Letting out an exasperated sigh.

"What did I do?" Oliver asked in a playful defensiveness. Felicity took the towel off of her eyes again, squinting angrily in his direction.

"Don't bother Felicity today Oliver. Don't even call her today Oliver. Felicity has the flu and just wants to sleep Oliver." She repeated Diggle's phone call in a mocking tone.

"Well, Roy is allowed here, and it doesn't look like you're sleeping." He gave her his 'I'm Right And I'm Going To Be Stubborn About It' look that she hates so much…but secretly loves.

"Roy doesn't hover."

Roy spoke up, "Actually, I have been hovering, a little, for the record."

"Well, you don't incessantly pick on me asking if I'm ok when I tell you to leave me alone." Felicity said sharply. It was getting real now, and Roy was starting to get uncomfortable with the argument, starting to feel like a step child in the middle of his parents argument.

"Alright, I'm not involved in this, but YOU need to go to sleep. And YOU need to stop instigating today." Roy chastised.

"I'm sorry, I really was just kidding, I just wanted to see how you were. I brought Ginger Ale." Oliver held it up.

"UGHHH." Felicity just winced at the thought of drinking anything an put the towel back on her head. Her headache was just getting worse with the tension.

"What?" Oliver asked quietly, suddenly feeling like it actually WAS a bad idea to come over. He had missed too much already.

"She can't eat or drink anything right now, Boss."

"Oh, I'm not surprised, I'll just throw it in the fridge for later." He went to move to the kitchen before Roy called out softly again, not wanting to be too loud.

"Leave it out."

"Why?"

"Oliver, haven't you ever had the flu?" Roy asked.

"Not really. I mean, I've been sick but..." Oliver admitted.

"Leave it out on the counter and open it. It's better warm and flat, easier on the stomach. It's the ginger and sugar that helps."

"Got it, that's gross." Oliver said going into the kitchen and coming right back out.

"The flu is gross." Roy replied.

"You're gross." Felicity replied sarcastically.

"Today? Yes, today I'm gross. I haven't showered and I've been holding your hair back as you vomited for hours."

"Don't remind about the shower. That would be so awesome right now." She grumbled.

"Have we discontinued showers suddenly?" Oliver asked confused.

"No!" Felicity asserted, slightly muffled by her hand over her face.

"This one is banned from the shower until she eats something that's real food and can stand by herself without almost passing out." Roy explained.

"It's that bad?" Oliver said worriedly.

"Only because I can't keep anything down. I'm staying hydrated. Relax Oliver. This is the flu. Welcome to my hell."

Oliver had never seen her _this_ miserable. Maybe this wasn't the best day to tell her how he feels.

"Well maybe you should try to eat something. Keep your strength up?"

"Ew." is all Felicity said before curling into a ball and facing the couch, arms covering her head.

"I guess that's a 'No'." Oliver replied with a vaguely apologetic, yet thoughtful look.

"You keep digging that grave man." Roy mentioned, Oliver gave him a stern look before acquiescing.

His shoulders slumped and he flopped into the arm chair on the other side of the couch.

"Ouch." He said getting back up immediately.

Felicity looked up worriedly at that. Roy looked at Felicity, confused. As Oliver leaned down and picked up a medium sized piece of glass out of the back crease of the cushion, he held it up to them.

"What the hell is this?" Oliver asked concerned, not so much angry.

Felicity broke her gaze at Oliver and turned to Roy for a few seconds. Oliver just followed their looks, wondering what it was about. They looked almost afraid.

"I guess something broke Oliver, how should I know? If I knew there was a broken piece of glass in my chair I would have gotten it." She shrugged, laying back down. Her chest starting to flush, cheeks following not long after.

Oliver gave her an eyebrow, clearly not believing the blatant lie. He looked back down at the chair, glass still in hand. He then pointly looked around the room with a strange look on his face. Felicity was inwardly freaking out. Roy was still staring at Felicity, not knowing the full story of what happened last night, he was starting to put some things together as he followed Oliver's looks around the house.

"Did you redecorate? This stuff…some of it is different from when I helped you move?" Oliver finally blurted out.

Felicity's mouth was open like a fish, she was failing at this lying thing miserably. Sure she was fine pretending to feel like crap, because she did, but her head was WAY too foggy and in pain for these questions. After a few awkward seconds, she just blurted out a hesitant "Yes."

"Hmmm. It's different? Doesn't really seem like your style?"

"Oliver…"

"I'm not saying it looks bad! I'm just saying it's…different." He stood there a little confused at her demeanor over a simple question, glass still in hand.

"Oliver…do we have to discuss this right now? I'm really tired." She said, convincingly, finally get herself composed enough to deflect.

"No…no. I'm sorry, it was just a stray thought. Go to sleep. I'll throw this away." Oliver stuttered out.

Felicity dropped her head back down, relaxing and closed her eyes, rubbing her forehead. Wincing at the movement, Roy turned back to her.

"Is that headache still getting worse? Aspirin not helping at all?" He almost whispered.

She just shook her head back and forth once, instantly regretting it.

"That's gotta be stress. You have to calm down." He asserted in a heated whisper.

"I can't." Felicity squeaked out, almost in tears from pain and frustration at her stupid, muddled brain.

"Then go to sleep. Or pretend to sleep." He ordered. "No more talking." He said a little louder, not caring if Oliver heard that one.

"I agree. Stop talking to us and go back to sleep. You need it." Oliver said as he entered back into the living room.

"Why don't I put you in your bed? It'll be darker and quieter. We'll wake you when it's time to eat. Hopefully you'll feel better after some rest." Roy insisted.

"ok." Felicity said, so quietly they barely heard it. She had reached her breaking point with talking and thinking.

"Ok." Roy said, before immediately getting up and lifting her bridal style off the couch. With two fingers he held the now warm towel towards Oliver. "Hey Boss, can you rewet this with cold water for her?"

"Yeah, no problem." Oliver all but ran into the kitchen to wet it and took it in to them. Roy had laid her down on the bed already and was placing her covers over her.

Oliver felt and unexpected surge of jealousy towards the kid. He wanted to be the one to tuck her into bed when she was sick. He wanted to be the one to take care of her. All he was managing was to argue with her and insult her all afternoon. How was he going to talk to her about any of this when he was acting like a bumbling idiot. Oliver handed the towel to Roy, then headed back into the living room to immediately flop back onto the armchair. Elbows on his knees, and head in his hands, he repeated in his mind over and over to get it together.

A/N: There you go. Some awkwardness and fluff, with a lot of misunderstanding and a little terror on Felicity's part. How is Oliver going to fix this? Maybe a little bro talk? I hope Roy can slap some sense into him! Oliver isn't very good at being in love, and clearly doesn't know how to approach it. On the list of ways that I've acted and things that I've done…*raises hand*


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Last one was fluffy, this one has feels. It's been a while since I've updated and in the interim, apparently Felicity has developed all these issues that need worked out. Enjoy. I don't own Arrow and stuff.

Roy came back from Felicity's bedroom and flopped onto the couch tiredly. Oliver didn't glance up from his position on the armchair, he just exhaled a sigh. Roy would've been amused if Oliver didn't look so lost and pathetic. The guy clearly had it bad, but didn't know how to approach talking about his feelings.

"So…you're here." Roy started, trying to feel Oliver out carefully. Oliver look up with a start, knowing what Roy was trying to do.

"Don't give me a hard time, kid." Oliver snapped back, he was having a hard enough time as it was sorting out his emotions without Boy Wonder getting in his head.

"I'm just saying that you came is all. I mean, I'm pretty sure I was clear with what I said on the phone, and so far…" Roy started prodding again. If he was going to have this chance to get Oliver to open up to Felicity, he was going to take it, and he was going to push it. Those two stubborn asses needed some serious mediating.

"Roy! I know what you said!" Oliver stood up and turned toward the back door, suddenly needing some air.

If Diggle was there, he would've been able to warn Roy about the broken furniture outside, but Roy sat obliviously. Luckily, Oliver stopped, and just leaned his head on the sliding glass doors.

"I don't…" Oliver began, but he wasn't sure where to go from there.

Roy just turned around surprised to hear Oliver's sincere tone.

Oliver closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"I don't know how to make this ok in my head. She deserves better. She's amazing and beautiful…and good. She deserves someone good. But I'm selfish and I want her to myself."

Roy's jaw hit the floor. He knew all of this, everyone knew all of this, but never in a lifetime did he expect Oliver to say the words aloud. His speech worked. He couldn't believe it. He went from a shocked look to a big grin as he realized what he'd accomplished. Somebody owed him a big expensive dinner at some point!

"Ha!" Roy couldn't contain himself, he grinned from ear to ear and laughed a little.

Oliver's eyes popped open and he stared angrily in Roy's direction. Roy's smile never waned.

"Roy, care to let me in on the joke?" Oliver said in a harsh tone. Oliver was offended, he had opened up after all this time to a friend, about something very emotional and important, and his friend was laughing at him.

"Just HA! You said it!" Roy said again, excitedly. He was definitely getting steak and lobster out of this. Or a punch in the face. Or two punches in the face. Either way, it was worth it if Oliver had just said those words out loud.

Oliver looked at him angry and confused for a minute. But Roy continued.

"You finally said it! I can't believe it happened is all! I'm like, inappropriately excited about this! I don't know if because we've all been waiting for so long, or because food might be involved. Probably both. But please…continue." Roy rambled happily.

"What are you talking about…food?" Oliver was now just confused all together.

"Nevermind, we'll talk about that some other time. But by all means, please, keep talking about how stupid in love you are. I mean…in a very manly men, bros way of course."

"I don't think I should be talking about this with you." Oliver said awkwardly, realizing this kid might actually be certifiably insane.

"You know what Boss? You're absolutely right!" Roy stood up and took Oliver by the arm, marching him towards the small hallway to Felicity's bedroom. Oliver protested slightly, but was too shocked and nervous to do much. Roy just didn't want the moment to be lost, and for Oliver to chicken out. He was so close, he just needed a little more push.

"What are you doing?" Oliver said almost in a panic. Roy stopped them right outside the door, and palmed Oliver straight in the chest to stop him abruptly.

"I'm almost certain she's not asleep yet. Not with that headache. You are NOT going to wuss out on this right now. You're here, you came here. You love her. We all know it…all of us except for HER. Nobody cares what your insecurities are. Nobody cares that you aren't good enough for her. Nobody except you. WE just want HER to be happy. You can brood and be miserable all you want, but not at her expense. She doesn't deserve that. She deserves to be with the person she loves right now. Let's face it, no one wants ME to be the person holding their hair back while they puke. Now go! I'll take care of dinner. You talk to her, but then make sure she sleeps!" Roy finished as he opened the door slightly, and skirted around Oliver towards the kitchen.

Oliver looked back at Roy, terrified. Roy just turned his head and waved him in with one hand. When Roy heard the door shut behind Oliver he did a mini fist pump, Felicity style. "Yesss!"

Felicity had heard mumbles outside the door and was pissed that they were being loud. They knew she was trying to sleep, what the hell were they doing out there? The pounding in her head was terrible, but at least it was darker in here. Daytime sleeping was never her forte. When the door opened slightly, the light hurt her eyes and she instantly put her pillow over her head.

"Sorry, it's closed now." Oliver said quietly.

Felicity put the pillow back where it belonged, but she kept her eyes closed.

"Hey." Oliver said as he sat down on the other side of her bed. Felicity sighed.

"Hey." she whispered out, grabbing the wet towel and placed it back over her eyes. She had removed it to try and sleep earlier, but it felt so much better with it on.

"Your head?" he asked the obvious question with almost a whisper.

She just gave him a couple nods. She was miserable, she was in pain, and she was done being nervous. She just wanted to go to sleep and for the pain to stop. She just wanted to be ok, normal. She knew that would never happen again. A tear rolled down Felicity's cheek at the thought of her new life. One full of pain, sickness, diligence to medication, and scrutiny from the people that find out her HIV status. When she felt a calloused hand softly touch her cheek, wiping the tear away, she finally opened her eyes.

Felicity didn't expect to see what she saw. Oliver was now in a half laying position next to her on the small full size bed, his feet hanging off the edge. His head was propped up with one hand, and he was wiping her tear away with the other. His thumb lingered on her cheek, and his fingers softly cupped around her neck comfortingly. She stared up at him for almost a full minute in shock, loving the sight, reveling in the contact, but confused. Oliver didn't feel this way about her. He all but told her on the beach on Lian Yu. It was an act. An act that he was selling to Slade. Her head swam in a confusing mix of pain and emotions. Why was he playing with her like this? What did he have to gain? What was his angle?

Completely forgetting about her headache, she came to her senses and flinched away, moving to sit with her legs hanging over the edge of the bed. She couldn't feel the things she was feeling for him. Not anymore, not now. It was too late. She felt like she could never let anything happen with him now, she didn't want him to have to live the life that she was now living. Unfortunately, that wasn't up to her, she couldn't stop the way she felt about him, just like she couldn't stop Count Vertigo that night. Nothing in her life was in control and she was spiraling. Oliver was here, with her, in her bed. Finally. But she couldn't hear him out, she couldn't bear it. He didn't deserve this. He shouldn't have to deal with her issues after everything that had happened. Rationally, she knew that she probably still had a long, healthy life ahead of her. Rationally, she knew that the risk of her passing her disease on to Oliver was slim. But she was tired, and sick, and still reeling from this revelation. Felicity was confused, and overwhelmed. What was Oliver doing there? Were Roy and Diggle right? Did he actually have feelings for her? And if he did, what would he expect from her? Right then, as her mind does, she thought of sex. She got all flushed thinking about everything she had imagined them doing together prior to that night with Vertigo. Then her mind went to that night. She was back there. In that chair, tied up, he was hurting her.

Oliver had been laying there, not understanding her reaction. She had sat up and pulled away from him. She wasn't even looking in his direction. His girl seemed like she was freaking out. He thought this is what she wanted. That she wanted him to be there, to open up to her, to love her. He hadn't even had a chance to say it before she was sitting with her back to him, soft tears running down her cheeks. It seemed like she wasn't even there. Then suddenly out of nowhere he heard a sharp intake of breath, and something that seemed like a choked sob. He instantly became worried and put his hand on her shoulder to see what was wrong.

"No!" Felicity screamed, as she jolted up off the bed with such force that she turned around and ran her back into the wall behind her.

"Whoa. Hey, are you alright? You shouldn't be moving around like this. What happened?" Oliver said softly.

Felicity was crying full force now. She couldn't control her foggy brain. Her images were all swirling together. The darkness, Oliver, Count Vertigo. For a split second, her brain realized that maybe she was sicker than she thought and her brain was playing tricks on her, but then everything got foggy again.

Oliver didn't understand what was happening and it scared the crap out of him. He knew that she was very weak and didn't want her to fall, but as he moved toward her to help her she bolted toward the door. He knew she was afraid of something, but he couldn't just let her run off without back up in case she fell, so he rushed after her. He kept a few feet back so she wouldn't freak out more, but stuck with her. She ran right past Roy in the kitchen, who instantly moved to follow Oliver behind a hysterical Felicity.

"What the hell happened?! What did you do?!" Roy shouted.

"Nothing!? She was calm, and her head hurt. She had a tear so I wiped it away, then she just sat up and started crying. Then when I touched her shoulder she panicked. I barely even said anything!" Oliver defended as they followed her out the back door. It was then that Roy realized maybe he should have pushed a little harder for her to talk to him about the night she was infected. He'd seen Patrick wake up like this a couple of times after some bad nights on the street. He was suddenly very afraid of what may have happened to her. Felicity had stopped in the back yard and fallen to her knees. The ground was soft, so Oliver didn't move to help immediately, afraid it might do more harm at this moment. His brain was reeling a mile a minute, not sure what had just happened or what to do about it. Oliver opted to just sit on the ground also, about 10 feet away from Felicity, who was crying into her hands and gently rocking back and forth. She was trembling so hard that he could see it from there.

"damn it." He heard Roy whisper from behind him.

Oliver whipped his head around. "What? Do you know what's going on with her? How we can help?" Oliver pleaded quietly. He was desperate to figure out what he could do to fix whatever it was that he had done.

"I don't know, I have to make a call, I'll be right over there. Watch her, but don't move." Roy insisted. Oliver just nodded, he wasn't about to move anyway. He didn't want to risk scaring her again.

Roy walked out of earshot of Oliver and called the only person who might know what's going on.

"Roy, what's up, everything ok?" Diggle answered, worried that Roy was calling him.

"No, everything is not ok." Roy answered in a hushed, very anxious tone.

"What happened!? Is she sicker!?" Diggle was instantly in freak out mode.

"Here's the thing, I didn't wanna pry. I never asked her how she was infected, but if there's something I need to know, it would be really helpful in our situation right now. Considering Felicity is hysterical, curled up in a ball in her back yard!" He was whispering, but his tone was that of urgency.

Diggle felt like his heart dropped to his feet.

"Shit." Was all he could get out. He didn't want to betray her confidence, but her was still about 45 minutes out and had to drop Lyla off at home.

"Yeah shit." Roy answered, waiting expectantly.

"Shit…uh." Diggle stuttered again, trying to figure out what to say.

"Listen, you can just give me a 'yes' or 'no' and I can take it from there. I get it, you don't wanna say anything." Roy offered, already having recognized the signs.

Diggle tried to figure out if it would be betraying her confidence if Roy had already figured it out.

"Yes." Diggle blurted out without thinking any more about it. She needed help and Roy was the only one in a position to be there for her.

"Got it. Get here as soon as you can, I think she needs you." Roy answered back.

"Damn it, is Oliver still there?" Diggle realized that they were in the back yard, and that all her broken furniture was out there.

"Yeah, he's a little dumbstruck. What do I say?" Roy asked.

"Get him inside. Then play dumb. Say you're used to girls freaking out or something. Just get him INSIDE." Diggle stressed.

"Does this have something to do with the big piece of glass that was in Felicity's chair earlier?" Roy asked, trying to get caught up.

"She kind of…broke everything in her apartment the other night. Her broken furniture is out back. He'll get suspicious."

"On it. Get here." Roy answered back quickly before cutting off the call without even saying goodbye.

Roy softly jogged back over to Oliver.

"What was that about? Who did you call?" Oliver asked, already having an idea of the answer.

"I called Diggle, I was wondering if she had had any hallucinations from the sickness over the last couple days. He said there might have been something about pink elephants. We're thinking maybe you turned into something that scared her. I think it's best if you head inside and I feel it out. I'll get her to come in." Roy explained easily. They both looked over at Felicity on the ground a few yards away, her sobbing had stopped, and was now more of a sniffle. She knelt facing away from them, her arms wrapped around her head in a protective cocoon. They could still make her shaking and rocking every so gently.

"Come on man, I don't want her to get scared again. She's too weak to be up." Roy whispered again, hoping Oliver would believe him.

"I don't wanna leave her like this." Oliver said, not looking at Roy. He knew something else was seriously wrong. He saw it in her eyes earlier. He couldn't place it. He felt like he was definitely missing something big. She needed him.

"Don't worry, I'll explain everything to her, get her to come around, and I'll bring her inside. She'll be alright." Roy hoped what he was saying was true. Something had broken inside his friend and there wasn't much he could do to help, except try to get her to talk.

Oliver slowly got up and backed towards the house. He didn't want to take his eyes off her. He wanted her to but honest with him, and he wanted her to let him be honest with her. The more time passed today, the more sure about his feelings he was. There was no way he could leave her. She was in pain and he wanted to take it all away. Forever. To make sure whatever demons were haunting her left for good and he'd never let them come back to hurt her.

"What the hell is going on." He whispered as he turned around to open then sliding door and head inside. As he reached for the handle, he saw something in the reflection of the door. Was that a chair? He nonchalantly opened the door and turned around as he walked inside to get a good glance at what he'd seen. There was a broken chair in her fire pit. Actually a couple of chairs. And was that…was that a broken picture frame? That would explain the glass from earlier. Now he was going out of his mind with worry, what the hell had happened in the house. Why was she so frightened? Was she robbed?! Attacked!? His mind was racing with all the terrifying possibilities as he watched Roy walk a wide circle around her so he was still a few feet away, but positioned in front of her. Oliver had to get her to open up to him, but now wasn't the time.

"Hi." Roy said softly, as he sat, legs crossed, in front of her on the lawn.

"uh huh." Felicity replied non-committedly, head still in hands, staring a the ground.

"You wanna tell me what happened?" Roy asked gently.

She shook her head 'No'.

"OK, can I take guesses? Like twenty questions?" Roy was using a tone you would use on a scared child. Soft, and soothing, but authoritative. He knew he wouldn't get her to open up if he sounded condescending, but he needed to express the urgency he was feeling at the same time. He also knew that if he could get it out in the open without her having to say it, it would lift a burden for her.

She slowly nodded her head 'Yes'.

"OK, I'm going to assume that something scared you. Was it Oliver? Did he do something?" Roy knew he hadn't.

She was answering nonverbally. Through shaking and nodding her head. He would let her do this if it was easier.

'No'

"Did you see someone other than Oliver in your room?"

'Yes'

"And you were afraid of him?"

'Yes'

"Did this man hurt you before"

'Yes'

"And that's how you became positive?"

She turned her head to the side to distance herself even further from him and couldn't hold back one sob as she thought about that night once more.

"I guess I'm going to take that as a 'yes'. So you don't want Oliver to know?"

She was back to shaking her head. 'No'

Felicity realized it was easier to let Roy explain her feelings to her than to actually sort them out for herself. Everything was so muddled, and she was so tired. His insight made her not have to think about why she was feeling this way.

"You are scared to be with him. You don't want to give him HIV."

'Yes'

"And your scared to be with him for other reasons?"

'Yes'

"You realize he loves you right? That he wants to help?"

She let out a shaky deep breath.

"He can't." She whispered.

"Why?"

"He deserves more."

Roy rolled his eyes. These two were incorrigible!

"You realize he feels the same way, and that he was brave enough to go into that room right now. He's scared out of his mind he's not good enough for you. And he's right."

That was it. She whipped her head up to meet his eyes. Her tear stained face one of shock.

"He's right, Felicity, he's not good enough for you. But he loves you, and for some ungodly reason, you love him too. I get that you're scared of how he'll react when you tell him about everything, but if you guys can get your heads out of your asses long enough to tell each other how you feel, then maybe you'll surprise each other."

She just stared at him at a complete loss. Where he get all this insight from? Where they that obvious? Was there really a chance for them? After everything that had happened, she didn't know if she could be what Oliver needed and deserved. She didn't know if she could fully open up to him emotionally, not to mention physically.

How was she supposed to tell him without breaking his heart?

"That's inevitable Felicity."

Roy answered her question.

"Did I say that out loud?" She asked.

Roy chuckled. "Yes."

"Oh…oops." She said softly, mind still reeling.

"Here's the deal, it's going to break his heart when you tell him, because it's heartbreaking Felicity. What happened to you, it's heartbreaking. It broke my heart, it broke Diggle's, and most of all it broke yours."

She just listened. He seemed to be doing a pretty good job so far, so why stop him. He was right, she was a mess.

"You haven't had a chance to deal with any of it because you've been too busy worried about everything else that was going on with everyone around you. Even with a broken heart, you still have a more beautiful soul than any of our sorry excuses for humans. You still deserve to be happy. And, I can't believe I'm saying this, but he deserves to be happy too. With you. I think, if you tell him, everything will be ok. The world won't fall in on you, and you'll have him here to help you through. He won't leave you Felicity. None of us could ever leave you."

She was crying again. It's like Roy was a crazy, guru, therapist person. She had gone back to staring at the ground as he spoke, the gravity of his words too great for eye contact.

"Are we going to get up and go inside now? Because I'm pretty sure you're going to have to explain a few things to Oliver. He's been staring at your broken chairs in the fire pit for like 10 minutes now, and I think he's about to crawl out of his skin with worry."

Felicity's head shot up and she turned around to see Oliver staring outside. Well, see as well as she could without her glasses on. She immediately went to stand up, ready to face the music, but her legs betrayed her. She got dizzy instantly and started to tumble over before Roy caught her. He gave her a look to make sure it was ok that he touch her again and she nodded a yes. Roy picked her up and carried her over towards the door. He could tell she was exhausted, she didn't even try to out her arms up around his neck like usual.

Oliver open the door and hurried out, careful to stop a couple of feet away just in case she was still scared.

"Hey, can I go to bed now?" Felicity asked, the excitement proving too much for her at the moment.

Oliver gave her a small smile that didn't reach his eyes, and Roy chuckled again.

"Yeah, here, I'm turning her over to you. I've still got to make dinner." Roy said, easily handing her off to a stunned Oliver, and walking passed them to the house. Oliver held her close against his chest, and she rested her head at his collarbone tiredly.

Oliver took a deep breath, not moving at first. As he turned towards the door, he looked down at her and she was staring at him. Her gaze burning a hole through his soul, as it had done so many times before.

"Are you gonna tell me what just happened?"

"Yes."

"Do you want to sleep first?"

She sighed, "Yes, please."

"Can I stay in there with you?"

"I'd prefer it."

Oliver nodded his acceptance. Glad that she was comfortable with him again. She actually seemed more comfortable now than she had ever been. Heading to her bedroom, he finally got to do want he'd wanted to do earlier. He laid her on the bed, and pulled the blanket back over her, as Roy had done. He had to remember to thank Roy for whatever he'd just said outside, and for taking such good care of the woman he loved. Oliver grabbed the damp towel, went into the bathroom to run cold water over it once more, and swiftly came back into the room. Slowly, and carefully lying beside her again, he placed the towel over her head as she shut her eyes. She pulled her body closer to his to feel his warmth, and to find strength in his proximity. Felicity didn't know how she was going to have the next conversation, but she'd figure it out later when she woke up. Right then, she was just content in the fact that they had just overcome the first hurdle. Seemingly the hardest.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N Ask and ye shall receive. Someone hilarious literally wrote me a review that simply said "Update NOW!". SO I sat the rest of the day and wrote the longest chapter ever. And it's NOT beta'ed or edited. I'm a terrible person I know. But it was flowing and now i have to go to dinner. SOOO, here you go.

Diggle almost forgot to turn his engine off before rushing out of his car and up to Felicity's door. He had been on his way home with Lyla when he got the call about Felicity. Luckily, she was driving her car, and his Bluetooth didn't sync to the car speaker. That would have been hard to explain. It was hard enough to deflect as it was. Lyla had noticed how tired to looked and insisted that she drive. When he got the call, she had really started to worry. He told her that Felicity's condition had taken a turn and she got spooked from a hallucination brought on by dehydration. He knew her medical training was on par with his, maybe even better, so he had to be certain to come up with a believable story. She was not at all upset that as soon as they got back to her place, he rushed off to tend to Felicity. It was all he could do to actually get Lyla not to join him. He had eventually insisted that she couldn't risk 'getting the flu' with the pregnancy. She acquiesced, letting him head off on his own.

He ran through her open front door and had to remember that she had been spooked before he yelled. Quieting down slightly, he rushed through the house with urgency before Roy caught him in the hall outside the kitchen.

"Roy! Where is…" Diggle started but Roy cut him off by hurriedly putting a finger to his lips.

"Shhhhhhhhhhh! Come in here!" Roy whisper-yelled.

Diggle was reluctant to follow, he just wanted to check on Felicity as soon as possible. When he saw how insistent Roy seemed, he followed along with a grumble.

Roy pushed Diggle over to the couch with both hands and sat him down excitedly.

When Roy sat on the coffee table in front of Diggle, his face was very confusing. Diggle wasn't sure if he was happy, or sad, or drunk. Maybe insane?

"Roy, what the hell happened, and why do you look like a psycho?" Diggle asked bluntly, aggravated.

Roy wanted to be happy that Oliver and Felicity had made a breakthrough and were that much closer to not being as angsty. Unfortunately, he was still highly upset over what had happened and what he had learned. He couldn't imagine what his expression must look like to Diggle.

"Keep it down. I think she's asleep. They've been in there a while and it's quiet." Roy started.

"They? They like Oliver is in there with her…while she's sleeping. And she's ok with that?" Diggle asked, just making sure he heard correctly.

"Yeah she's ok with it. Dude, I think they might like…finally tell each other how they feel." Roy said, almost like he didn't quite believe it could happen. "I don't wanna jinx it, but I think she's close. And he's definitely ready."

Diggle just opened his mouth in shock. From this morning, to the phone call he got earlier, to now, the entire world seemed to have flipped on it's axis.

"I was gone for like 5 hours. How can this possibly have all happened?" Diggle was royally confused.

"I'm a magician. Apparently, if you tell the truth to people, they actually listen, and they do what you say? I think I just discovered the key to life. I should go on the road." Roy was acting very proud of himself.

Diggle just gave him "the eyebrow of disillusionment", or that's what Felicity called it whenever Diggle shot down a fantasy moment that she was overly excited about.

"Relax junior, I'm pretty sure they will be the ones doing all the hard work."

"I know…" Roy trailed off, the sad look coming over his face again. "She's going to have a hard time. She can't even talk about it."

"Oh, don't I know it. I had to pry clues out of her and then guess until she confirmed things."

"Me too!" Roy said. "Has she said the words yet?"

"Not to me. Hopefully over the course of time she'll open up more to Oliver. She said a few things while she was drunk and throwing stuff, but never the word, and never specifics. I just got snippets of things he said, names he called her, stuff like that." Diggle confirmed, not giving too much away.

"Got it. I assume from what I saw, it was pretty bad. She's in a lot of pain man. She's been repressing it all. For how long? I didn't even get that much." Roy asked.

"Oh I guess she didn't tell you. Well, you already know what happened, so I guess she wouldn't mind if I told you. It was Vertigo. When she was kidnapped. She kept it a secret all this time. Well, I guess she told her doctor, because she was getting the HIV test protocol. She was clean up until her last test a couple of days ago. She only told me because when we got into a car accident the day that Slade's men took over, her head was bleeding and she was afraid I was infected, and she was scared for Lyla and I. But I told her I wasn't exposed." Diggle explained quickly. He felt awkward discussing her business. But, he figured even he only had the basic details. Roy knew most of it, he was just filling in some holes.

"Wow." Roy had paled getting the full story. She had been dealing with this alone the whole time. No wonder she hadn't opened up. She probably was severely traumatized, but from his talk with her out back it seems like she had an nice, unhealthy amount of guilt and self-hatred mixed in to boot.

"I hope he can help. And god I hope he doesn't push her away again. And vice versa I guess." Roy stated after a minute.

"Yeah."

"Well, I need to go back in there before dinner burns. I hope she'll eat later, she had a rough morning, but it's been a while since she had to take meds so maybe she'll be up to it in a couple hours. She needs food before her headache gets worse."

"Headache?" Diggle asked.

"Oh it's terrible. She can barely open her eyes most of the time."

"That's new." Diggle said, getting up to follow Roy to the kitchen.

"She probably had it while you wee here but it wasn't bad enough to say anything. It seems she likes to hide stuff till it's really bad, then she stops caring how she looks and asks for help. I wish she would just…you know…ask for help."

"You and me both brother." Diggle said clapping his hand on Roy's shoulder. "You did good today man. You really came through. Thanks for being here for her when I couldn't be, and for understanding."

"Oh understand…all too well." Roy grumbled under his breath. Diggle heard but decided not to push. It seemed Roy was experienced with this and that's all he needed to know for now.

A couple of hours later, Oliver had Felicity's head cradled on his shoulder and his arm gently wrapped around her shoulder. She seemed peaceful for most of the time, but as she started to stir, she seemed to be getting more agitated. He knew how that was. Nightmares. He got them every night. But he had terrible memories assaulting him, what was she afraid of? Slade? Vertigo? Clock King? He thought of what she had been through since he's known her and immediately felt guilty. "No Oliver, don't, not for me." Those words of hers rang in his head almost every night when he dreamed about the night he killed Vertigo. The despair in them, the underlying guilt and shame for having gotten kidnapped. It wasn't her fault, he kept telling her. She had no way of knowing it was a trap, and they were a man down. She never seemed quite right after that. She had taken a little piece of his darkness in her soul, and it killed him to know that Vertigo had taken some of her light away.

Oliver was broken from his thoughts by a slight whimper from Felicity. She was definitely having a nightmare. The look on her face suddenly more pained. He released her shoulders and put his arm flat on the bed, if her dreams were anything like his, he didn't want to scare her or restrain her when she awoke. It was lucky he recognized the signs when he did, because not even a minute later she started pushing softly against him in her sleep. Her whimpering turned into mumbled words. 'No' 'Stop'. He knew whatever was happening it was violent and he knew not to wake her. It would scare her more. He just waited, he'd react quickly when she woke up.

Suddenly, her eyes popped open and she jumped up. "No!" she spoke, not quite a yell, but more of a terrified statement. As soon as she woke up, he pulled his arm away and jumped away in a nonthreatening position by her bedside. Oliver waited for her heavy breathing to slow, and for her to register her surroundings before taking a step closer. His step was tentative, but she grabbed his shirt and pulled him closer. She kept hold of the shirt to continue to keep him as close to her as possible, and wrapped her other arm around his neck, making them flush against each other. He could feel her trembling and maybe some tears on his chest through his shirt. He didn't say anything for a minute or two until she calmed down. He could tell when she let go of his shirt and wrapped her second arm around his neck that she was a little bit better. He chanced pulling away slightly so he could see her face. She didn't look up at him, but just at his chest, then she closed her eyes and took a deep, steadying breath.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" He asked, probing her emotional status.

"Not really." She whispered, eyes still closed. Felicity then exhaled and opened her eyes to meet his. What he saw scared him. There was a darkness he hadn't seen before. A sadness and pain that was so real, he wondered how she'd ever gotten through the day, let alone hiding this from him. What had happened to make her feel this way? Was it something he didn't know about, or something they'd been through together.

Oliver couldn't speak. Felicity was looking up at him, walls entirely dropped. She was completely vulnerable, and it scared her more than anything. But on the other hand, it felt good. Just to be herself around him. He didn't flinch away, she could tell he noticed the change, but he hadn't gotten uncomfortable. He just looked at her with eyes she'd describe as almost loving. Definitely curious. He needed to know what this was about. She needed to tell him, but she was so scared to say the words. She hadn't said them out loud. Not to anyone. Not even the doctors in the clinic on the night it happened. She'd always danced around it. She was so tired. Tired of putting up this front that she'd created. Tired of lying. Tired of being afraid. What ever was going to happen after this, she was just glad that it would be over. That everything would be out in the open.

"Wow. This is gonna suck." Felicity said to him, looking down and releasing him to flop into a seated position on the bed.

"What's going to suck?" Oliver asked, knowing she was about to open up. He flopped next to her, staying close. As he settled she landed a hand on top of his and squeezed it for dear life, like it was the last time she thought she'd ever touch him. And in a way, she knew it was. At least the last time she'd touch him as the person she was. From now on it would be different. Her whole life would change.

"I can't…" She started, but stopped to take another settling breath. He just waited silently, gazing at her face, her eyes were still cast down in front of her, she stared at the blanket. He also noticed how she had grabbed the other side of the blanket with her other hand and was holding on for dear life.

"You can tell me anything." He offered. When she didn't continue, he decided that if he expected her to go all in, he had to as well. He would be brave first, so she didn't have to. "Felicity, you know I'm never going to leave you. I love you. And anything you say will be between us, and it won't change the way I feel about you." He'd said it.

She choked out a loud sob that she couldn't hold back. The hand that had the blanket instantly coming to her mouth, slamming it shut. Only a couple of tears ran down her face, and her eyes were closed. She couldn't look at him, not right then. He'd just put himself out there and she couldn't believe that he would stay we he heard what she had to say. She knew it was just her irrational fear taking, and that there was little chance he would actually walk way because of this. But she couldn't wrap her head around the fact that he could love her after this. She couldn't even look at herself some of the time. She moved her hand from her mouth to her head and let out a few more painful tears before she could build the courage to continue. She kept thinking about his words. About Roy's and Diggle's words. How she had to start living her life honestly. She didn't quite believe that she deserved to be with him, but she at least knew that they were right about one thing. He deserved to know, and to make his own informed choice.

She opened her eyes and removed her hands from both her forehead and his hand in favor of pulling the blanket further over her knees and holding it securely to her chest. 'Silly', she thought, she felt like a child who had broken a vase or something.

"Well that doesn't make any sense. Sensical words please?" Oliver stated.

"Damn it. Out loud? She asked?"

"Yup."

She sighed, almost humorously.

"At least one thing will never change." She let out a sad laugh.

"Why do things need to change? We can be honest without it changing how we feel about each other right?"

"I'm not sure." She replied honestly, and her mind wandered again.

"OH! And I love you too….sorry. I got distracted." Felicity looked up at him with apologetic, nervous eyes. He just let out a single laugh and smiled. He was absolutely sure that nothing she could ever say or do could take him away from him.

"Well, if I wasn't sure if you were perfect before, which I was, then that would have clinched it." Her face pulled oddly, like she was uncomfortable with the praise. But he knew she would be, she never knows how amazing she is.

"I'm serious Felicity. I love you, and you can tell me anything."

"I don't know if…"

"Try me!" He said sternly. Now that their feelings where out there, he had no qualms using his authoritative voice on her. Sometimes the only way to get her to open up is to reassure her, then to make her get all independent. It works every time.

"OK, well, here goes. You sure you wanna hear? You can leave now and we'll forget it ever happened and just go about our business."

"Felicity, we just told each other we love each other. You couldn't tear me away from you right now with a bulldozer. I'm thinking about getting myself permanently handcuffed to you for life. OK…too much honesty. You're rubbing off on me." He joked, trying to get her to open up. She actually smiled at that, then of course blushed.

"That would make daily life…um…more difficult. Yeah so here's the thing. Um. Diggle knows, and Roy found out today. I didn't tell him before you I promise, he figured it out on his own. John I told before you because, well I had to and I didn't really have a choice. He said I should have told him sooner but I couldn't really find the words. With you…I mean…they don't know the whole story. Well, they know, but they don't like KNOW KNOW. You know?" She rambled. She felt for some reason that she needed him to understand that she wasn't going around telling everyone but him the details she was about to let him know. That she hadn't told anyone some of the things she was about to tell him. She also wanted to let him know that she was trusting him not to say anything to the boys about what she told him.

"I understand. It's ok. Go ahead." He echoed her words 'I understand', from that fateful night with Slade. God he should have told her how he felt then.

"Ok. This…thing. With me. It's been going on for a while. I didn't…there was so much going on that I couldn't really…face it. I couldn't give myself time to process. So when something else happened it all kind of started processing itself on it's own, and now I can't stop it. So I just…I've been kind of a mess lately."

"Well, you've been hiding it well. I wish you didn't have to. But I'm here now. Whatever's going on, we'll get through it together." He said, sounding stronger than he felt. He was really worried about her. Whatever this was, it was clearly huge.

"Ok, when I was kidnapped."

"By Slade?"

"No."

"By Vertigo." That was months ago, he thought.

"Right, when I was kidnapped, and you came to get me. You saved me, and killed him. We were safe."

"Right, and you shouldn't feel guilty about that by the way."

"I do, and I always will, but that's not what this is about. I didn't exactly…tell you guys everything. Everything that he did…to me." Felicity was looking him right in the eyes now. This was it, and she wanted to see his every reaction. She didn't know why. Security? Masochism? Hope…?

Oliver's face dropped a little, it was noticeable, but he caught himself before he went completely berserk. Was she implying what he thought she might be implying?

"The Count, before he called you…Oliver he…he raped me." It was the first time she'd said it aloud. Both of her hands flew to her mouth like it had betrayed her somehow. She suddenly felt an overwhelming bout of nausea and jumped up to run to the bathroom. She made it just in time to dry heave into the toilet. Nothing was in her stomach, but the painful heaves continued anyway, her body betraying her. Oliver had run after her, and before he even registered moving, he was in the bathroom with her, holding her hair and rubbing her back gently as her eyes filled with tears from excursion and grief. His eyes filled with tears as well. Tears of sorrow, and tears of anger. Tears because he wasn't there for her, before it happened or after. No one knew. How could they not know? How was she able to hide this from them for so long? She never even let on. Sure she was moody, she'd been acting a little different. But it was nothing that would let on that she'd god through this type of trauma. How could he not see it?

When she had stopped for a little bit of time, she finally sat back against the wall. The same place she'd found herself this morning with Roy. Except this time, she had Oliver. She had the man she loved by her side. He hadn't run. Not yet anyway. This was only half the battle. She still had to tell him that her life, and maybe his, had changed forever.

He was sitting in front of her on his knees as she collected herself.

"Sorry. I…I'd never said it out loud. I didn't expect…I guess I didn't expect it to be that terrible."

"I understand. It's ok. You're allowed to have whatever reaction you happen to have. There's no rule book for this."

"You're crying. Oh my god, I'm sorry." She reached up quickly and wiped his tears, much like he'd done earlier for her. It made them both think of her episode earlier that day.

"Hey, hey, you don't ever need to apologize to me, for anything. Got it?" Oliver said sincerely. Softly grabbing her hand and removing it from his face. He kissed her hand, letting the tears fall freely from his eyes.

"We'll get through this, together. Ok?"

She nodded, closing her eyes, as two more tear streaks fell from her already bloodshot eyes.

"Oh man, I probably look awesome. Can we go back in there, out of this horrible lighting please?"

He tried to smile but he doesn't know if it actually happened. He could barely feel his face. He was numb. Tingly with raw emotion and a good amount of anger. The only way to keep it in was to let out all the sorrow he felt for the woman he loved. He's not used to showing that side of his emotions, but he knew that if he let the rage take over right now, it would be the worst thing for her. And more than anything, he wanted to make this better for her. It was already bad enough without her having to deal with his issues.

Oliver walked Felicity back to the bed carefully, afraid she was too weak ad would falter. As he sat her on the edge of the bed, he knelt down in front of her. He smoothed her hair, and wiped her cheeks dry softly, stopping to hold his hand against her cheek for a few seconds. She leaned her head into his touch, like she'd done so many times before. They needed that familiarity.

"Felicity."

"yeah" she squeaked out.

"Why would you think this would change the way I feel about you? It's not your fault that this happened. It's his. You didn't do anything wrong. You don't think that I'd really think less of you did you? This whole time?"

Felicity looked away, not only ashamed of what had happened, but now also ashamed of the way she was afraid he'd react. But he doesn't know. He doesn't know everything. She was starting to let hope seep into her brain though. She was afraid of hope. It was a dangerous slippery slope. Until he had all the information, she wouldn't fully feel secure. If she was being honestly, she felt like she might never feel secure again.

"Felicity? Look at me. I still love you. I'll always love you."

She was still looking away when she answered. She wasn't really thinking. She just reacted to his words.

"You shouldn't."

"What? What does that mean? Why shouldn't I?" Oliver was royally confused.

She sighed, and looked at his eyes, finally.

"You deserve more Oliver. You deserve someone who isn't broken, who can give you want you need."

Oliver's brow furrowed. What did she mean by that?

"I'm not following. You ARE everything that I need."

"Oliver…I can't…I don't know if…UGHHHH why is this so hard!?" She stuttered out.

"What is this about?" Oliver asked when he saw how rapid her breathing had become.

"Sex, Oliver! I don't know if I'll ever get passed this! I don't know if I'll ever be able to be intimate with ANYBODY ever again! Especially you! I love you, but…it's just…I mean…the things he said it…" He cut her off by pulling her into a tight hug, it would've taken her breath away if she wasn't almost hyperventilating from anxiety.

"Shhhh shhh shhhhh. Stop, it's ok…it ok." He rocked her forward and back as they hugged, remembering that it might be a comforting motion for her. When her breathing slowed to an acceptable level and she loosened her death grip on his shoulders, he leaned her back again.

"Listen to me, Felicity. You will NEVER have to worry about that. Do you hear me? We won't until you're ready. However long it might take. Hell, I don't care if it's never. I love you and I want you to believe that. And I want you to be comfortable. You will NEVER have to worry about me in that department. I'd be happy just sleeping I the same room as you for the rest of our lives. I don't need anything else. OK? And if somewhere down the line you might think that your ready, then we'll cross that bridge then. On YOUR terms."

Felicity was crying again. Her stupid tears wouldn't stop. All of this just hurt so much. She just had to get it out. She just had to say it because the build up was killing her. She couldn't take it anymore.

"God, Oliver, I want that to be true so much. I want it to be true. But it's not that simple. Something happened the other day. I found out something."

Oliver's face went blank as he thought of a billion possibilities and none all at the same time.

"Oliver…he…I have HIV. This…all of this…" She motioned to her body and to the bathroom where she'd just dry heaved in front of him. "It's side effects from the medication. I just started it yesterday. He gave me HIV…" She closed her eyes to break his gaze as she said the words again. It was out there. Finally. She didn't have to worry about it anymore. Whatever his reaction now was whatever it would be. No more anticipation. No more anxiety, or fear. Just her and him. There it was again, that hope that she tried so hard to avoid.

Her eyes were closed, hands fisted in his shirt as he knelt in front her. His abs pressed firmly against her trembling knees.

She felt him before she heard him. His hands had been at her waist, and she felt them leave her sides. She thought he was going to leave, but then she felt them on her face. He cupped each cheek at her jaw line with his warm hands. She sharply inhaled, but kept her eyes clamped tightly shut. What was he thinking? What was he doing?

"Felicity. Open your eyes."

She shook her head emphatically no. She couldn't look at him right now. It was too real.

"Felicity. Look at me." He said again.

She tilted her head to the side, but his hand brought her face back in front of his. Then she felt him gently pulled her face closer to his and before she realized what was happening his lips where gently, but passionately on hers. Her eyes popped open in surprise. She would have gasped if he hadn't completely taken her breath away. The kiss was amazing, nothing like she had expected, but a thousand times more amazing. After the initial shock, she closed her eyes again and lifted her hands to the back of his head, deepening the kiss. With that, HIS eyes popped open in surprise. He was thinking she might pull away, he had told himself that he was just trying to get her to listen to what he was saying. In actuality, he didn't think he could go one more second without showing her how he felt. He didn't want to force it, he was gentle, but when she pulled him closer he was pleasantly surprised. They both needed the reassurance. The contact, however brief. To forget about everything. It was out in the open. It was over, and now they could just be together, and deal with everything that had happened. Together.

They split apart and rested their foreheads together. After a few deep breaths, Felicity opened her eyes and looked into his.

"You're not leaving." She said. It was a statement. She believed it. He had convinced her, finally. Hurdle number 2.

"I'm never leaving." He said. "I just got you, I'm not letting you go now."

Felicity smiled a genuine smile for the first time since she had been kidnapped. A true smile, with no secrets held over her, no lies. A smile filled only with love, and hope. Her light had somewhat come back. The darkness was still there, he could see it, right there under the surface. He would do everything he could to erase it as much as possible. He knew that it's impossible to fully come back from the darkness once you've touched it, but you could get close. What they had right now was very close.

"So, can you do me a favor?" She asked him.

"Anything."

"Can you go out there and let Roy know he doesn't have to stay? If I go out there he'll argue with me. You can beat him up." She smirked shyly.

"No problem." Oliver said, sad to break contact as he got up and walked out her door, aching to come back to her as quickly as possible.

Roy and Diggle had finished dinner an hour or so ago and threw it in the oven until the others were ready. It was around 7 when Oliver emerged and swiftly walked up to them. They both looked up and did a double take. They'd never seen that much emotion on his face, even the night Tommy died, or the night he was going to give himself up to Slade.

"What's up man?" Diggle asked.

"Felicity says you guys can go home. You don't need to stay. We'll be fine." Oliver said quickly. Just wanting to get back to his girlfriend. Girlfriend. He loved the sound of that. He actually smiled a little to himself.

"We?" Roy asked with a knowing smile.

"We." Oliver stated again, not able to contain what looked to the others like a grin.

"Are you guys serious!?" Diggle asked shocked.

"How did that happen so fast!?" Roy asked!

"And you can tell that girl that there's no way we're going ANYWHERE right now. We just slaved over dinner like housewives for like…an hour or something."

"Yeah, then you came back in here and played video games." Oliver noted as he pointed to the paused game on the screen.

"Well, we had to pass the time while you guys were….doing whatever you were doing."

"Talking. We were talking."

"I hope she was SLEEP talking." Roy said protectively.

"Well she was sleeping, then we were talking." Oliver adjusted.

"Well, tell her we AREN'T GOING ANYWHERE! SO SHE MIGHT AS WELL COME OUT AND SHOVE FOOD DOWN HER THROAT!" Roy yelled so she could her him.

"AND I'M HERE TOO, SO IT'S TWO AGAINST ONE. WE MIGHT ACTUALLY BE ABLE TO HURT OLIVER IN A FIGHT." Diggle added. "IF YOU DON'T COME OUT HERE AND EAT I'M INVTING LYLA OVER TOO AND IT'LL BE THREE AND A HALF AGAINST ONE! DO YOU WANNA BE RESPONSIBLE FOR A PREGNANT LADY FIGHTING A BIG NINJA WITH…." Diggle continue to instigate until she emerged from the bedroom slowly, looking exasperated.

"Felicity, I tried. Lemme help." Oliver said, he ran up to her and helped her walk. She still was very weak. She really DID need to eat something.

"You guys suck." She said with a half smile.

"Oh yeah, we SUCK? Do you hear that Roy? I'm pretty sure we were the ones feeding you electrolyte pops on your bathroom floor for the past couple days." Diggle retorted with a smile. He was happy to see her in better spirits.

"And sending the Boss out to do your dirty work. That's just cowardly." Roy added, also with a goofy grin.

"Cowardly! If you guys only knew." Felicity joked back.

"Alright, joking aside, sit down, you need to eat." Oliver said seriously.

"Yes sir. I'm actually starving…for once. Thank god." Felicity sighed happily as Oliver helped her sink into a dining room chair.

"Ahhh yes, speaking of that specific chair." Oliver said, challenging Felicity.

She looked up at him with puppy dog eyes of fear.

"I kind of…had a moment." Felicity said with an apologetic and embarrassed look on her face.

Diggle hopped in to help ease the tension.

"Yeah, a drunken, She Hulk moment." He said as he gave her the eyebrow again.

"It wasn't THAT bad." Felicity lied.

"Babe, half of your furniture is in your fire pit outside." Oliver added. "Oh and I could have died from blood loss if I would've sat one more inch to left earlier."

"Alright, shut up. A girl's got a right to flip her shit!" Felicity insisted.

Roy giggled off to the side.

"What are you laughing at. You weren't even here!"

"You said shit. It's like watching a 4 year old say shit. It was adorable." Roy admitted.

She threw her spoon at him. Then looked at Diggle like nothing happened. "You can actually invite Lyla if you want. It's not like i actually have the flu."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I mean, she's family now right? Assuming that her baby is to be my godchild. Which I've decided and you have no choice." Felicity ordered.

"Of course you are our daughter's godmother." Diggle laughed.

"That's right. OH! IT'S A GIRL!?" Felicity realized.

Diggle just laughed. It was good to see her happy again.


End file.
